PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

Up to thirty percent of the cases of ancient graves discovered in the course of construction excavation never, in fact, existed, except in the imaginations of Haredi protesters provoked to demonstrate against various public works projects by Big Pashkevil. Jerusalem, ...

(((Somebody))) altered those people’s DNA before they were killed and thrown into a well. Jerusalem, January 23 – Researchers who extracted and analyzed genetic material from centuries-old human tissue discovered that no sequence of nucleic acids coding for cephalic keratin ...

“They’re just so quick to make assumptions about me because of my appearance.” Jerusalem, January 12 – A resident of this city whose insecurities come to the fore upon encountering visibly-observant Jews blames the phenomenon on observant Jews for mentally ...

“We are also aware of one special case of devotion involving urinating on the roof of the building, but not everyone reaches that level, so to speak.” Jerusalem, January 3- A local worshiper has taken the next logical step in ...

European progressives called the development unfortunate, but a predictable outcome of Israeli policies. Bethlehem, December 25 – A group of terrorists operating in the traditionally-accepted birthplace of Jesus interdicted the passage of St. Nicholas’s reindeer-pulled vehicle tonight as it passed ...

A part of the service that seldom, if ever, features anything but quiet recitation and on a regular afternoon takes perhaps thirty seconds, not the four minutes this rendition required. Jerusalem, December 14 – A rift has developed in the ...

“Heretic!” yelled two of the diversity officers. “Fascist!” yelled another. Wilmington, December 5 – A clash of values among the the committee elected to oversee a progressive Jewish house of worship has challenged longstanding friendships and assumptions of shared priorities ...

“Without going through the real, painful, and necessary T’shuvah process, I’m afraid a presidential pardon, no matter how official, doesn’t expiate the sinner.” Washington, November 24 – Leading spiritual figures in the Jewish world cautioned today that the annual White ...

Jews are responsible collectively for Israeli policies and that Jews have nothing to do with Israel. New York, November 15 – A pro-Palestinian activist who insists that Zionists have created a false link between their movement and the religion that ...

The Being that created the universe with the spoken word made heard what other divine beings heard as a chuckle. Heaven, November 3 – The creator ex nihilo of all existence, with complete control and absolute knowledge of every last ...