“We are also aware of one special case of devotion involving urinating on the roof of the building, but not everyone reaches that level, so to speak.” Jerusalem, January 3- A local worshiper has taken the next logical step in ...
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Feed SubscriptionPalestinians Hijack Sleigh, Hold Santa Hostage
European progressives called the development unfortunate, but a predictable outcome of Israeli policies. Bethlehem, December 25 – A group of terrorists operating in the traditionally-accepted birthplace of Jesus interdicted the passage of St. Nicholas’s reindeer-pulled vehicle tonight as it passed ...
Read More »Elders Of Zion Split Over Chazan Who Sang Parts Usually Mumbled
A part of the service that seldom, if ever, features anything but quiet recitation and on a regular afternoon takes perhaps thirty seconds, not the four minutes this rendition required. Jerusalem, December 14 – A rift has developed in the ...
Read More »Synagogue Board Torn Between Security, More Diversity Officers
“Heretic!” yelled two of the diversity officers. “Fascist!” yelled another. Wilmington, December 5 – A clash of values among the the committee elected to oversee a progressive Jewish house of worship has challenged longstanding friendships and assumptions of shared priorities ...
Read More »Rabbis: Presidential Pardon For Turkey Ineffective Unless Turkey Repents
“Without going through the real, painful, and necessary T’shuvah process, I’m afraid a presidential pardon, no matter how official, doesn’t expiate the sinner.” Washington, November 24 – Leading spiritual figures in the Jewish world cautioned today that the annual White ...
Read More »‘Israel Doesn’t Represent Jews!’ Cries Man Accosting Random Jews About Israel
Jews are responsible collectively for Israeli policies and that Jews have nothing to do with Israel. New York, November 15 – A pro-Palestinian activist who insists that Zionists have created a false link between their movement and the religion that ...
Read More »Omnipotent God Amused You Think ‘Can God Make A Stone He Can’t Lift?’ Means Anything
The Being that created the universe with the spoken word made heard what other divine beings heard as a chuckle. Heaven, November 3 – The creator ex nihilo of all existence, with complete control and absolute knowledge of every last ...
Read More »Tourism Now Also Ruining Hell Itself
Some arrivals believe they have come as visitors but end up detained. Hades, October 26 – Denizens of the Underworld where the wicked suffer eternal torment and others achieve cleansing of their iniquities have voiced with increasing recent frequency the complaint ...
Read More »If Not Now Misses By A Week, Holds Yom Kippur Feast In Middle Of Sukkot
The belated discovery prompted a flurry of googling and discussions among the seven attendees how to coopt Sukkot for anti-Israel propaganda purposes. New York, October 13 – A self-styled Jewish organization committed an error in planning its special Day of ...
Read More »Man Who Won’t Hire Visibly-Religious Jews Blames Them For Not Working
“Parasites,” Corell was heard to mutter after rereading a New York Times article on the alleged academic underperformance of certain Hasidic schools. New York, September 29 – A business owner with a bias against employing Haredim also accuses Haredim of ...
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