“This is just a rematch of last year’s series, so it’s not as compelling a story to hijack. Not as much buzz.” Oakland, May 20 – Activists accustomed to co-opting every popular issue or cause for anti-Israel advocacy purposes have ...
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Feed SubscriptionNFL Offers Compromise, Lets Players Stand for American OR Israeli Anthem
Player representatives have yet to offer any official response to the move. New York, May 24 – Executives and owners in the National Football League softened their stance today on player behavior during the traditional singing of the Star Spangled ...
Read More »Embassy Move Causes Typhoons, Earthquakes, Nuclear Holocaust In Some Other Possible Universe
“I don’t want to be the guy who says I told you so, but I told you so,” stated a grim-faced John Kerry. Dimension Theta Omicron, May 16 – Massive tectonic cataclysm, powerful storms, and atomic explosions rocked this version ...
Read More »After Israel Trip, Tamika Mallory Realizes Palestinians Liars, Becomes Zionist
“Zionism is a national liberation movement for Jews reasserting sovereignty in their ancestral homeland, and progressives should be all about that.” New York, May 9 – A leader of the Women’s March social justice movement announced today that following her ...
Read More »Stymied In Real World, Palestinians Hoping To Stop Move Of Pretend Countries’ Embassies To Jerusalem
Commentators noted that in the real world, Palestinian efforts rely consistently on the implied or explicit threat of violence, but that the places now targeted in this diplomatic offensive lie beyond the reach of such tactics. Ramallah, May 1 – ...
Read More »Study Links Erectile Dysfunction With Antisemitism
The mechanism by which the erectile dysfunction occurs remains unknown. Atlanta, April 25 – Scientists have discovered a causative connection between hatred for Jews and reduced blood flow to male reproductive organs, a medical journal is reporting. This week’s issue ...
Read More »After Defense Against The Dark Arts, Dolores Umbridge Tapped For UK Labour ‘Antisemitism Czar’ Position
“Ms. Umbridge represents the perfect choice to lead this commission: loyal to her superior, condescending of victims, and willing to tolerate or engage in violence to whitewash her faction’s official view.” London, April 18 – Mounting public pressure on Opposition Leader ...
Read More »Union Rules Broken When Jews Forced To Dig Own Graves
The executioners’ union might also demand involvement. Riga, Latvia, April 11 – The head of a local professional association voiced dissatisfaction with the way mass execution of area Jews was conducted, charging that making the Jews move earth with shovels ...
Read More »Man Can’t Decide Whether Congress Controlled By NRA, Oil, Or AIPAC
Do the banks control Congress, or does Big Pharma? Maybe it’s Monsanto? Insurance companies? Sugar? Chicago, April 9 – A radio personality known for his support of progressive politics voiced confusion today over different axiomatic assertions of his world view ...
Read More »BDS Advocate Has Already Won Like 6 Arguments In His Head During Shower
Actual humans do not make the same straw-man contentions as his mental interlocutors. New York, March 28 – A college student who spends time haranguing administrators, faculty, and fellow students to support divestment from Israel and boycott of the Israeli ...
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