PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

“The sense of nausea and dread is overwhelming,” confessed a staffer who asked not to be identified. Budapest, July 12 – Aides to philanthropist and political activist George Soros scrambled to perform damage control today after reports emerged that the ...

“There are fringe groups, but you don’t have them taking over whole regions and recruiting thousands of like-minded fighters from far away. It’s bizarre.” Gary, Indiana, July 12 – Terrorism experts confessed today they cannot explain why tens of millions of Americans ...

Jewish leaders expressed more puzzlement than outrage at the pastor’s assertion. Crown Heights, July 10 – A prominent figure in New York’s African-American community invoked the race riots of summer 1991 today, asserting that the Jewish State deserves the current ...

“Leftovers. We’ll take leftovers. Your mom’s fruitcake. Lutefisk, whatever the hell that is. Please. Can you catch our amazing new missile and send it back with that stuff?” Pyongyang, July 4 – The government of the Democratic People’s Republic of ...

It boils down to Muslims as victims being the ultimate axiom, and therefore Muslims retaining ultimate veto over everything lest it offend or oppress them further. Berkeley, June 29 – Proponents of a progressive environmental agenda face internal contradictions within ...

Students already pursuing degrees for which such courses are a requirement will be given the opportunity to alter their degrees by taking courses on subjects such as Palestinian suffering. San Francisco, June 25 – San Francisco State University has announced ...

Incidence of callus-inducing Muslim-anus-licking by Europeans had held steady since the the First World War. Fez, June 21 – Medical officials in the Arab and Muslim world are reporting increased incidences of inflamed or callused epithelial tissue around the anal ...

“I’m curious, and eager to examine those passages in the original Aramaic,” admitted Dina de Garmi of the University of Bologna, Italy. New York, June 14 – Experts in the body of Jewish law and lore called the Talmud voiced ...

The team looked at soccer hooliganism, microbreweries, film, the Scientific Method, paid vacations, fidget spinners, internet memes, museums… Berkeley, June 12 – New research by a team of anthropologists and historians has determined that not a single element of Western ...

“We can only wonder how casualty numbers would be different had the authorities in Tehran been able to strike with nuclear technology.” Washington, June 7 – Former Secretary of State John Kerry lamented this morning that the Islamic Republic of ...