PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

Refraining from hygiene, as it turns out, also contributes to a reduced likelihood of sex. Atlanta, May 19 – A new study by the Centers for Disease Control suggests that people only engage in sex and personal hygiene practices when ...

Prudent stewardship of government-managed riots, hunger, and general unrest has the potential to make up for lost oil revenue. Caracas, May 15 – As the economy worsens and the prospect of forcible government action to forestall the closure of factories ...

Experts warned that correlation does not imply causation. London, May 11 – An analysis of the scale and drivers of antisemitism in Britain’s Labor Party has found a statistically significant correlation between the phenomenon and days ending in the letter y, ...

“It requires only a semantic change, not a policy alteration in the slightest.” Berlin, May 5 – A consultant in Public Relations has suggested to the leadership of the Nazi Party that they will encounter less international opposition to their ...

It will be available at post offices the entire month of May, or until hoarders and black marketeers make them unobtainable by standard means. London, May 1 – In honor of the international socialist workers’ holiday on this date, governments around ...

“We were looking for ideas that would convey the same seriousness as when this body addresses Israel.” Geneva, April 20 – On the heels of a resolution ignoring the Jewish pedigree of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem, and accusing Israel ...

“Nobody invites trust the way Bill Cosby does.” Washington, April 13 – Amid continued revelations that the Obama administration has failed to push back against Iran’s repeated violations of the nuclear deal struck last year, the president has engaged the services ...

“Obviously, the most prudent political course involves not expressing certain things at all – it’s best not to have any actual personal convictions other than ‘say what will get you elected’.” Chappaqua, NY, April 10 – The frontrunner for the ...

Predictions differ over whether a post-presidency conversion will have real political implications. Washington, DC, April 4 – Barack Obama has decided to wait until after he completes his presidency to undergo formal adoption of Islam as his faith, White House sources ...

“The double standard glares.” Pyongyang, Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, March 30 – Leaders of the rogue North Korean state expressed jealousy and resentment today that Iran’s violations of its agreements with the West over the country’s nuclear weapons program ...