Substantial risk of exposing the extramarital dalliances of at least six important church personnel.
Credit: Steven Pavlov via Wikipedia
By Sewell Littell
Caldwell, December 28 – Leaders of a Christian house of worship in this New Jersey township called on its attendees and dues-paying flock to keep its recent expressions of antisemitism to a minimum, out of concern that journalists or activists who seek to investigate such a story will wind up discovering the extensive erotic improprieties that the group’s upper echelons have sought to keep under wraps.
Lay and clerical officials at the Clancy Street Baptist Church sent an urgent bulletin to the membership this week urging restraint in what has become what the message called “a disturbingly unfettered outpouring of animus toward Jews,” calling on members to exercise better control of the impulses that have led in the last two years to a consistent flow of antisemitic statements even in public, but mainly online, from prominent figures in the community. Leaders phrased their request in terms of civil discourse, responsible civic attitudes, tolerance, historical problems with the hateful rhetoric, and the danger of hate spreading beyond its initial targets. Privately, however, those leaders acknowledged that their principal aim in acting now stems not from a need to protect their Jewish neighbors and fellow Americans, but from the risk that the attention such a phenomenon will inevitably attract carries substantial risk of exposing the extramarital dalliances of at least six important church personnel.
“It has come to our attention that over the last eighteen months at least, some of our members have fallen into the disturbing practice of employing antisemitic slurs,” the bulletin began. “That soon escalated into irresponsible rhetoric blaming Jews collectively for various societal ills, which, we have long strived to emphasize, goes against our church’s spirit of inclusion, tolerance, and hope to attract even non-believers to the truth of our Word. We strongly urge our members to refrain from such talk, and invite anyone who feels they struggle with such drives to speak to Pastor Alvin [Sparks].” The bulletin did not mention the danger that anyone prompted to investigate the church’s affairs will likely turn up evidence of Pastor Sparks’s liking for one-on-one time with pubescent girls; organist Devon Hollander’s “brunches” with various women in the community; and a post-Sunday-school session involving an assistant clergyman taking a group of boys to a different undisclosed location each week.
The message generated a storm of controversy on the members’ various WhatsApp groups. “I think I know what this is really about,” charged one member. “They’re going to look for an excuse to ask for more money. Every issue turns into that eventually. Wonder what group they got that idea rom, if you know what I mean.”
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