Climate Activists, Allies Explain Why Hezbollah Burning Down Israeli Woodlands With Rockets A Good Thing

“It doesn’t count when indigenous people do it.”

Stockholm, June 18 – Ecological NGOs and their progressive supporters continued to articulate today their position that while anywhere else in the world, massive forest and brush fires constitute catastrophic blows to the health of the Earth and its atmosphere, the specific fires that result when Islamic terrorists launch missiles and drones into the Jewish State represents a positive development that actually helps combat climate change, or at least gets offset by the other benefits of large-scale habitat destruction, carbon emissions, air pollution, and loss of biodiversity.

Organizations such as Greenpeace, and individual activists such as Greta Thunberg, took pains again Wednesday to explain why the widespread fires that Hezbollah’s missiles caused in the unseasonably-hot and -dry weather differs from all other fires in the world, which, the same individuals and organizations have warned for decades do irreparable damage to the environment.

“You know how there are some species of trees, like that Australian one I can’t remember the name of it offhand, that needs fire to propagate new ones?” suggested Thunberg. “It’s like that. The fires do produce smoke and destroy woodlands and kill wildlife and release millions of tons of harmful emissions that contribute to climate change. No one disputes that. But it will birth something eventually, like that Australian tree. Something not controlled by Jews.”

“It doesn’t count when indigenous people do it,” explained Greenpeace activist Paga Nizim. “I think a good analogy would be when Native American tribes sent entire herds of bison over cliffs and only harvested from the remains a small part of the hides, meat, bones, what have you, killing far in excess of what they needed in numbers of animals. If white people did that, we’d rightly call that a crime against nature. But it wasn’t white people. That makes it OK.”

“Same thing here,” she elaborated. “If you’re not Jewish, or at least if you speak Arabic, we consider you indigenous. I don’t care how Arabic came to the Levant. It’s indigenous. That’s axiomatic. Stop questioning it. So whatever indigenous Hezbollah does from Lebanon with Iranian prodding and funding that happens to destroy the environment, that’s not for us to judge. It’s wholesome and authentic because it’s indigenous.”

Others went so far as to call for more conflagrations. “Probably the best outcome is for Iran to detonate something atomic in Israel,” proposed former Sierra Club president Ann Tissemit. “It would be the push the world needs to finally grasp that nuclear power is dangerous even though it produces no emissions and provides orders of magnitude more power per mass of fuel than even fossil fuels. It’s just the push we need to reverse all the technological advancements of the last thousand years.”

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