“We regret that we did not act sooner.”
New York, December 31 – The city’s only Ivy League institution forbid the principal activity involved in the observance of the current Jewish festival, administration officials announced today, claiming that the practice of the candles glorifies occupation and the oppression of Palestinians.
Columbia deans and faculty leaders made the move in response to petitions by pro-Palestine students, whose protests and support from sympathetic professors have somehow not yet resulted in complete suppression of Jewish life on campus – a direct threat to the success of the Palestinian cause. Hanukkah continues until this coming Thursday, with the last candle-lighting of the holiday taking place after sundown Wednesday.
“We regret that we did not act sooner,” stated Assistant Dean of Students Amin Husseini. “Reports started trickling in last Wednesday night of candles celebrating genocide, but we thought it was a one-time event. After the weekend, our inquiries revealed that this observance would last a full eight days, and we put our foot down. There will be no glorification of violence at Columbia except of violence directed at anyone who does not object with enough vehemence to the notion of Jewish self-determination and self-defense.”
Administration officials suggested new courses for the coming semester or the 2025-26 academic year, detailing the ways in which each Jewish festival, practice, tradition, or teaching celebrates or encourages Apartheid or genocide of People of Color. Already, contacts have been established with senior figures in the Nation of Islam to teach courses on Jewish theology and Jewish history.
Activists argued that the Hanukkah-lighting ban and the planned new courses do not go far enough. “Until the university guarantees that no one fill face consequences for defending Palestinians by attacking suspected Zionists, it will not be enough,” insisted Students for Justice in Palestine campus leader Samir Kuntar. “It’s not enough that our group was ‘officially’ banned but that ban has never been enforced. We need to demonstrate that we unquestionably dominate and have humiliated the opposition, which is the only kind of resolution of the Palestine issue we will tolerate anywhere, not just in Palestine.”
Reporters attempted to elicit comment from Jewish student organizations on campus, but were blocked by groups of Palestine activists who shouted and blasted music to drown out the questions and any answers that might have resulted. Columbia campus police stood ready to quell any disturbance that might occur if the Jewish students made any gestures indicating displeasure or lack of total submission.
Please support our work through Patreon.
Buy In The Biblical Sense: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B92QYWSL
Fabulous Facebook Comments!
Glorious Google+ Comments!
Wordpress Comments