Columbia Guarantees 4.0 GPA To Anyone Participating In Pro-Terror Rally

Any mention of the IDF instead of the IOF will disqualify the applicant.

New York, May 7 – An Ivy League institution that has become a hotbed of anti-Israel, antisemitic agitation since October 7 of last year announced today that students who could demonstrate sufficient involvement with the protests, tent encampment, incitement to violence, and glorification of Islamist supremacism taking place on campus this academic year will earn perfect grades for both semesters, regardless of performance on exams, assignments, or other factors that normally determine the figure.

The Academic Standards Committee at Columbia University sent out notices Tuesday apprising all undergraduates who had registered for the Fall 2023 and Spring 2024 semesters that proof of at least ten hours’ participation in the pro-jihad, rape-apologist rallies in the various parts of the Morningside Heights compound will entitle them to an automatic 4.0 Grade Point Average for both terms, the highest possible GPA.

The announcement detailed the procedures for exercising the 4.0 GPA: the student must provide screenshots of, and links to, social media posts documenting their participation in the events on at least seven occasions since Hamas launched its murderous rape, torture, theft, and kidnapping spree in southern Israel on October 7 last year; a Palestinian flag, a watermelon emoji, a red triangle, or some other accepted symbol of endorsement for the violence itself, and the intimidation of “Zionists” inherent in that endorsement, must have featured in the applicant’s social media profile for a cumulative period of at least two months since that date; seven or more of the applicants’ photos on social media from the protests must show them wearing a keffiyeh, waving the flag of either Palestine or a militant Islamist group; and the applicant must demonstrate fluency in the slogans of the protests, including but limited to “From the River to the Sea, Palestine will be free,” “Globalize the Intifada,” and “Stop the Genocide.”

Any mention of the Israeli military that refers to them as the IDF – the Israel Defense Forces – instead of the IOF – Israel Occupation Forces – will disqualify the applicant. The announcement also discouraged the display of visibly Jewish paraphernalia except in the context of defacing it, depicting it as evil, or using it in a performative fashion to burnish one’s otherwise questionable status “as a Jew” to condemn Israel.

A member of the committee acknowledged that the bulk of Columbia’s faculty intended to grant the 4.0 GPA to participants already; the committee’s decision formalized and made uniform and more efficient the process by which a student’s eligibility for the benefit will be assessed.

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