Elitists Already Disappointed By Election Results

Ramat Aviv, December 28 – Israelis who obviously know better than you what is good for the country have already declared their dissatisfaction with the outcome of elections this coming March.

A diverse group of elitists from across the narrowest sliver of the Israeli political spectrum gathered yesterday to mark what is clearly the death knell for the Israeli political system. Their group, Elitists for Government by Only Israelis who Showcase Total Superiority (EGOISTS), determined after a brief discussion that the country is going down the tubes because everyone else remains willfully blind to the only right way of doing things.

EGOISTS came together at Tel Aviv University yesterday to discuss the elections, scheduled for March 17. The diversity of the group ranged from academics and political activists openly hostile to Zionism all the way to academics and activists openly supportive of Hamas. Addressing the gathering of about eighty people were personalities as Haaretz’s Gideon Levy, Aluf Benn, and Amira Hess, with a special Skype call-in from noted liberal icon Hassan Nasrallah of Beirut. The EGOISTS conference dwelt mostly on the decay of Israeli democracy, as defined by anyone voting for policies other than the ones favored by EGOISTS.

“The results of this election were, predictably, an indication of antidemocratic, right-wing extremists clinging to power despite the overwhelming protests of those with a truer vision,” said EGOISTS in a statement emerging from the conference. “The short-sightedness of a system that merely listens to the votes of those who cast ballots and ignores the manifestly more ethical, moral, and democratic positions of our obviously superior caste dooms that system to failure.”

Those positions vary widely, encompassing everything from voluntary dissolution of Israel to imposed dissolution of Israel. The champions of those diverse values continually express wonderment at the Israeli electorate’s seeming inability to perceive the manifest truth of EGOISTS. Until that changes, says the organization, Israel stands no chance of becoming the Edenic Garden of Multiculturalism and eternal peace that characterizes France, Britain, Sweden, and other European, and therefore perfect, states.

Aside from a relatively small number of voters who have already decided who will get their vote, surveys indicate uncertainty in the outcome of the elections. In contrast, the EGOISTS group has no need for actually holding the election to determine whether or not the next government is worthy of EGOISTS endorsement. In the eyes of EGOISTS, which see things as they truly are without resorting to the messy world of polling stations, balloting, and counting votes, the truth has always been obvious, and hoi polloi beyond North Tel Aviv need not concern themselves with matters so far beyond their station. Those eyes have seen with clear and accurate precision that the Israeli electorate has failed to choose a sufficiently enlightened slate of leaders, and will suffer accordingly.