Countries That Want To Harbor Actual WWII Nazis Must Settle For Hamas Terrorists

“Even collectively, they don’t add up to what any individual Nazis our forebears sheltered had accomplished. It’s embarrassing.”

Amman, February 29 – Officials in several Middle East nations voiced disappointment this week that the perpetrators of the Holocaust have almost all died, leaving those nations fewer options in the realm of sheltering mass-murderers of Jews. Instead, the officials lamented, they can do no better than Palestinian or other militants whose individual body counts pale in comparison to the SS death camp guards who had a hand in as many as tens of thousands of Jewish deaths each, whereas the highest body count any individual Palestinian mass-murderer to whom they can offer asylum can muster numbers at most in the dozens.

In Jordan, Syria, Turkey, and elsewhere around the region, Arab and Muslim states can no longer hope to harbor former German or Austrian Nazis, or the collaborators of those Nazis in the various European and North African locales the Nazis occupied and attempted to exterminate Jews. Too many years have passed since Nazi Germany’s Final Solution to the Jewish Problem sputtered its last in 1945; the youngest of the death camp guards, killing squad members, or other brutal functionaries of the Holocaust have reached their mid- to late nineties and have neither the will nor the endurance to move to the Middle East. The best the region can do, Arab officials acknowledge, is harbor Hamas killers, which is nice, but not exactly thrilling to the same epic degree.

“We make a big deal about sheltering Ahlam Tamimi,” noted a Jordanian diplomat, referring to the planner and facilitator of a 2001 Jerusalem pizzeria bombing that killed sixteen and injured 130. “We gave her a TV show, and we brag about keeping her safe from Israeli and American attempts to apprehend her. But we know she’s small potatoes compared to Alois Brunner, who spent his last years in Syria.” Brunner served directly under the notorious Adolf Eichmann in the SS and had a hand in the deportation and death of about 130,000 Jews, mostly from France.

“None of us can compete with that,” admitted a Turkish official. “We can host Hamas bigwigs. We can harbor Palestinian terrorists of all stripes with scores of death on their hands. But even collectively, they don’t add up to what the Nazis that our forebears sheltered had accomplished. It’s embarrassing, to be frank. Even Ismail Haniyeh over in Qatar is a rank amateur compared to the literal Nazis you could harbor back in the day.”

“They just don’t make them like they used to,” he noted, with a shake of the head.

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