Cricket Judge Death Shocks Israel With Existence Of Cricket

Ashdod, November 29 – An umpire at an informal game of cricket died this afternoon after being struck by the ball, sending shock waves throughout the country as people discovered the sport exists.

The 58-year-old man was hit in the chest and taken by paramedics to the hospital, where he was pronounced dead several hours later. As news of the the man’s demise spread, Israelis were suddenly forced to come to terms with cricket, awareness of which had until now been confined to areas where British rule lasted much longer.

“It’s horrific,” said Ashkelon resident Shmuel Polakoff, 30. “It’s utterly barbaric. I’m stunned by the idiocy of whoever invented this so-called ‘sport.’ I’m even more stunned by the idiocy of anyone who would participate in it.” He shook and scratched his head in puzzlement as he purchased a case of Krembo treats, a mostly sugar-and-chemical confection, for his children.

The rules and culture of cricket have largely been confined to Britain and former British possessions. Cricket long ago became the national sport of England, and during the heyday of empire the country exported its passion for the pursuit along with other elements of culture. However, outside Australasia, India, and some surrounding countries, few people have been exposed to the sport’s ugly reality.

Indeed, the players and spectators of cricket in Israel are by and large immigrants or foreign workers from South Asia. A handful of British-born locals or visitors occasionally participate in informal competitions, but few others in Israel have encountered cricket in its full, unmitigated horror.

“Supposedly cricket has rules, but a lot of good they apparently do,” remarked Mira Cohen, 44, of Jerusalem. “I’m keeping my children indoors until this scare subsides.” The mother of four said that despite the recent wave of terrorist stabbings and attacks with motor vehicles, she had felt relatively safe, but that her newfound awareness that cricket exists was too much to bear.

Less than a week ago, a player in Australia met a similar fate, but the populations of cricket-loving countries have long been inured to the tragic nature of the pastime. Israel, which until its establishment as a state was only under British rule for about two decades, never had a chance to absorb this unsavory aspect of British culture to the same extent as its counterparts in Bangladesh, Pakistan, India, New Zealand, Australia, and assorted other former colonies that Britain controlled for more than a century.

Commentators agree that Israel will not be the same after this tragedy. “Yes, a man has died, and that in itself is a cause for grief,” said Voice of Israel contributor Hanan Crystal. “But it’s a tragedy on a much larger scale that we’ve now, as a nation, had our innocence shattered. Yesterday, we knew nothing of wickets, bowlers, innings as a singular word, or… well, it’s too painful to continue. I’m sorry.”