Daylight Saving Time Screws Up Accuracy Of Moses’s Firstborn-Death Prediction

Heavenly sources emphasized that Moses himself bears no responsibility for the mishap.

Thebes, April 2 – Heavenly sources confessed embarrassment this morning following a perceived one-hour delay in the mass-killing of Egypt’s firstborn sons, which in fact took place at the time the Hebrew leader and prophet had foretold, but that Egyptians assumed occurred late because they had already made the one-hour-forward springtime clock change.

Archangel Raphael told journalists this morning that the Divine Court finds itself in an awkward position now that the mass death indeed took place as retribution for Pharaoh-led persecution, enslavement, and murder of Hebrews, The Lord’s proclaimed firstborn nation, but took place at an hour Egyptians understood as 1 A.M. even though the standard method for reckoning the time still registered as midnight.

“Boy, is our face red, so to speak,” allowed the ministering angel. “Technically it’s a minor snafu, but there’s no ‘technically’ when you get to this level. We will have to review our procedures and implement corrective measures to ensure nothing of this nature happens again. Here I’m thinking specifically of the presentation of the Tablets of the Covenant to take place in about three months. It could prove disastrous if the people expect Moses to return from the mountain sooner than he’s actually slated to do so. That might seriously undermine the people’s faith. We’ll have to make sure there are strict procedures to prevent any time changes from affecting expectations.” Raphael dismissed as unlikely any concerns that the people might miscalculate by an order of magnitude such as an entire day.

Heavenly sources emphasized that Moses himself bears no responsibility for the mishap. “Moses was and remains a faithful servant,” stressed Metatron. “He conveyed precisely what he was ordered to convey, at precisely the right time he was commanded to do so. Our initial investigation shows the fault lies somewhere in the administrative bureaucracy that preceded the transmission of the vision to the prophet. That is where the procedures must undergo review.”

“I do suppose we could blame the Egyptians for implementing something as stupid and useless as Daylight Saving Time,” added Metatron. “Nobody even has clocks, just sundials. It would be a retarded idea even in a more technologically advanced society that does have a standardized time-tracking method. Here it’s monumentally nonsensical, and yes, I am proud of that adverb choice.”

Now-free Hebrew slaves gave little indication they cared whether the smiting took place at midnight or an hour later, as they embarked on a march to the Land of Canaan and grappled with the children asking, “Are we there yet?”

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