Democrats Hail Dennis Rodman For Success Of N Korea Summit

“I certainly can’t think of anyone more influential in this process.”

Washington, June 12 – Minority leaders in Congress and their political allies praised a key figure in the developing détente with the Kim regime, a former National Basketball Association star without whose vision no progress toward denuclearization would be possible.

Lawmakers, local government officials, governors, mayors, and pundits from the left side of the political aisle in the US credited the progress to years of sustained diplomatic efforts on the part of Dennis Rodman, whose odyssey from basketball freakshow to Wilsonian avatar has admirers throughout the Democratic Party calling for him to be awarded the Nobel Prize for Peace.

“The man deserves the vast majority of the credit,” beamed Nancy Pelosi. “Without Mr. Rodman, would Kim Jong-un ever have come to the negotiating table? It’s highly doubtful there has been a more crucial personality in the diplomatic and political dance with North Korea than Dennis. I certainly can’t think of anyone more influential in this process.”

This afternoon, North Korean dictator Kim met with the president of the US and both signed a document pledging to keep the Korean Peninsula free of atomic weapons. The Communist dictatorship’s nuclear program has troubled its neighbors in East Asia and beyond for decades, and caused multiple headaches for successive presidential administrations going back at least as far as Bill Clinton. Its relationship with other totalitarian states and terrorism sponsors such as Iran and Syria has thrown up numerous obstacles in the pursuit of security and stability for the region and the world. Now, however, experts see a greater likelihood that North Korea will embrace non-nuclear alternatives in an effort to provide much-needed prosperity and growth – the fruits of a political, economic, and diplomatic policy represented by Dennis Rodman.

“A Nobel would look good next to those NBA championship rings,” assessed Glenn Greenwald of the Intercept. “It’s about time this country had some real international achievement to boast, and someone who, more than anyone else, really made it happen. It’s a bright day for the US, for the Korean Peninsua, and for the world. All because of Denis Rodman.”

Others noted Mr. Rodman’s race in observing the momentousness of the occasion. “We’ve been hungering for such a long time for a person of color to rise to such prominence,” gushed Joy Ann Reid of MSNBC. “It’s really inspiring to see Dennis reach as far as he has despite his colorful past, his reputation for being less than conventional, and his egocentric modes of expression. Really good to see that we can let go of a person’s association with such trash as Celebrity Apprentice to praise the good things he’s achieved.”

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