“Only through DEI can the vast majority of these people achieve gainful employment.”
Washington, May 27 – Senior Congressional and White House officials expressed concern today that despite the proliferation in recent years of jobs in higher education dedicated to achieving and maintaining appropriate diversity quotas, there will remain a shortage of them available when, as anticipated, Palestinian militants and officials from the Gaza Strip begin immigrating to America as part of an envisioned plan to rehabilitate the coastal Mediterranean territory once a permanent ceasefire with Israel takes hold – and those jobs represent the only ones for which the Gazan immigrant demographic seem qualified or suitable.
Democratic leaders close to State Department and White House decision-makers disclosed today the growing worry in the Biden administration about the career fate of the expected wave of Hamas people moving to the US, worries that the slots for Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion officers on US college and university campuses will prove insufficient for the number of Hamas members in the ranks of the cohort.
An aide to National Security Adviser who spoke on condition of anonymity disclosed that his superior and others involved in the efforts to resolve the current Israel-Hamas war by diplomatic means – primarily through attempts to hamstring Israeli operations toward a decisive victory – have hesitated to come out with the full details of a proposal to relocate Hamas personnel out of the Gaza Strip and into American academia, pending resolution of the DEI slot shortage.
“It’s about the only job in this country they’re qualified to do,” explained the aide. “Yes, I know, part of the ethos of DEI is to disregard professional qualifications in favor of demographic and identarian ones. I use the word ‘qualified’ here in those terms exactly. Only through DEI can the vast majority of these people achieve gainful employment. There aren’t anywhere near enough open positions in Chicago’s street gangs.”
The source clarified that Hamas militants, fundraisers, informers, and corrupt middlemen will find it hard to compete with others for positions in the US that demand those skills. “Hamas basically enforced a monopoly on the people of Gaza, and had no competition,” the source elaborated. “Hamas people are literal cutthroats, but don’t know how to operate when the competition is only figuratively cutthroat. The only way to give them any hope of not living off welfare involves these administrative positions in academia that pretend not to be welfare.”
A handful of Hamas personnel have already applied for positions on the faculty of the same institutions. The number of available faculty positions, however, remains severely limited, and will not alter the bleak employment picture in any material way.
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