“Best there’s ever been” honesty in a person with peak ability, unadulterated by ambition, was simply unfamiliar to the devil.
Hades, September 19 – Satan has set his sights on a blameless, righteous man, infernal sources reported today, following an embarrassing defeat in a violin-bowing contest against a random guy sitting on a hickory stump.
Stygian eyewitnesses told reporters this evening that the devil had returned to his fiery abode in the afternoon in “the worst mood we’ve ever seen,” according to one, and began punching everyone around him – finally zeroing in on his portal for communication with God, whom he then provoked into “testing” an innocent person named Job “just to make sure” the man’s sinless, pure ways stemmed from sincere, unselfish devotion, and not mere fealty for having been given a prosperous, fecund life.
“He was so pissed off,” whispered Beelzebub, looking around so as not be be overheard. “It was delicious, actually. But that guy Job is in for it now. Lucifer really, really needs to take out his frustration on someone, and that poor sod will feel his wrath.”
“I don’t blame my boss,” the demon admitted. “I’d be angrier than pricked bull, too, if some boy named Johnny beat me in a fiddlin’ competition fair and square. Especially if I also had the help of a whole band of demons, which the Dark One apparently had available. The toughest part must have been maintaining composure while laying that golden fiddle at Johnny’s feet. Mortifying. I’d want to melt away.”
Job’s impending torment comes after the devil paid a visit to the southern United States, where the Prince of Darkness had decided he would find willing souls to engage in a losing bet. The boy who bested him taunted the devil before the contest, with the claim that he was “the best there’s ever been.” The lad even repeated the taunt after the devil had been forced to part with the golden fiddle.
“Normally, that kind of boasting is an automatic defeat for the human,” observed Persephone Hayes, a commentator on Perditian affairs. “Pride being one of the deadly sins. But Satan apparently misjudged the situation. In Johnny’s case, the words held not bravado, but the confidence of someone who knows exactly how competent and capable he is. That kind of honesty in a person with peak ability, unadulterated by ambition – what aspiring superstar sits on a hickory stump? – was simply unfamiliar to the devil, who assumed this boy was just like any other target of the I-get-your-soul scheme. It didn’t end well for Satan, and now Job is going to feel his wrath. If you have any investments in Job Enterprises, I’d advise you divest forthwith.”
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