Devil Goes Down To Knesset, Loses Fiddle, Crown, Etc.

“Somehow I also ended up invited to someone’s wedding? I might be hosting a Sheva B’rakhot? I don’t even know what happened there.”

Jerusalem, February 20 – The personification of temptation to evil sought to score a victory today over human proficiency and ingenuity following a disgraceful loss to a violin-player from the southern United States in a contest for the latter’s immortal soul, selecting what he thought was a softer target with people willing to sell theirs for much less – Israel’s legislature – only to depart in further disgrace and surrendering further treasures after encountering beings far more sinister, corrupt, and cynical than even he.

The Devil visited the Knesset on Monday hoping to achieve what he could not in an earlier competition against a young fiddler named Johnny in the state of Georgia. “I considered the Knesset an easy W,” he explained with a shake of the head before returning to the Stygian realm. “I went looking for a handful of politicians willing to sell their souls in exchange for various manifestations of success or advancement, but hadn’t prepared myself for the reality that each of them had no soul remaining for me to claim – and the depths to which they are willing to descend for personal or political gain. I lost another golden fiddle, my crown, a magic compass, charmed jewels, and a dozen other treasures before realizing it’s a futile endeavor. I barely got out of there with my title.”

“Really have to up my game,” the Devil admitted. “This lot… they’re impressive.”

Satan acknowledged he had expected competition at his own game from some of the veteran figures in the Knesset, such as Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, MKs Ahmad Tibi, Mansour Abbas, Merav Mikhaeli, and Avigdor Liberman, but thought, it turned out in error, he would have an easier time seducing fresher political personalities. “The lawmakers here don’t mess around with ethics the way some other legislatures at least pretend to,” he realized. “I’ll chalk it up to poor research on my part, and the off-base assumption that as non-Christians, most of these folks would be more susceptible to my wiles. Yeah, no. It apparently doesn’t work that way, and my Christianity-based arguments don’t resonate here. Somehow I also ended up invited to someone’s wedding? I might be hosting a Sheva B’rakhot? I don’t even know what happened there.”

The Devil was last seen outside the compound, engaged in animated, openly incredulous discussion with an unflappable Chabad emissary who tried to gauge the Prince of Darkness’s interest in putting on T’fillin.

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