Divorcing Couple In Bitter Custody Battle Over ‘Good’ Spoons

Neither Crate & Barrel nor Fortunoff sell the patterns in question anymore.

Jerusalem, September 14 – A husband and wife negotiating the terms under which they will end their marriage have managed so far to avoid acrimony regarding where the children will live, as well as the division of financial and material assets, but have hit an impasse vis-à-vis possession of a number of teaspoons they purchased to supplement the set they already had while setting up their home after the wedding twenty years ago, and which proved far superior to their predecessors for purposes of eating ice cream.

Tehilla and Zev Ackerman supplemented the stainless-steel flatware for which they had registered at Crate & Barrel in 2001, and which friends and family had bought for them as gifts, with an additional eight similar-looking pieces from Fortunoff. The latter set, manufactured in Korea, showed its comparative robustness when the couple shared many pints of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie, versus the other spoons, manufactured in Indonesia. Now the Ackermans face a battle of wills over who gets the few remaining Korean spoons that have survived a move to Israel and two decades of household attrition.

Attorneys for each half of the couple have spent more then ten fruitless hours so far in attempts to persuade their clients to compromise on possession of all three remaining spoons. “They had no problem reaching accord on custody of the kids, which is usually the thorniest issue,” observed Tehilla’s lawyer Moshe Sadeh. “Same with alimony, child support, the car, the apartment, investments – those were a relative breeze compared to other divorces. In general it’s been amicable. Just not when it comes to those spoons. These folks like their ice cream, I guess.”

“I’ve handled knock-down, drag-out custody battles that were less dramatic than this,” disclosed Zev’s attorney, Alex Maximov. “Sometimes a single asset becomes the focus of all of a couple’s accumulated resentment, but that’s not what’s going on here, as far as I can tell. I think each one just really, really needs those ice cream spoons, and won’t budge. Each one has made it pretty clear they intend to use the spoons to eat ice cream with the kids, which would preclude a sharing arrangement that would be practicable in any way. I almost suggested having the children move the spoons from one home to the other as they travel back and forth under the child custody agreement, but that’s not really feasible.”

Neither Crate & Barrel nor Fortunoff sell the patterns in question anymore. Crate & Barrell discontinued theirs in 2008, while Fortunoff no longer sells anything but jewelry and outdoor furniture.

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