The vanishingly few people privy to the secret, he led to believe that he had taken up residence in Patagonia.
Neve Daniel, October 20 – Most residents of this community ten minutes south of Jerusalem remain unaware that a legend dwells in their midst: the original bearer of the name that struck terror in the hearts of seafarers all around Florin and Guilder, and who began the practice of discreetly handing off the title to a chosen successor when he grew wealthy enough to retire.
The “Dread Pirate” Roberts has lived for more than twenty years in Neve Daniel, a largely modern-orthodox Jewish locale in the northern Judean Hills, sources close to the man disclosed this week. The sources told PreOccupied Territory that Roberts ceased his activities as a pirate two decades ago, having amassed enough assets to render further buccaneering unnecessary.
To throw enemies off his trail – he had also amassed a fair number of enemies in his career – Roberts took several major precautions. First, he chose his first mate – the candidate most capable of maintaining the prowess and fearsome reputation that had come to be associated with the name Roberts on the high seas. Then he dismissed the crew, save for First Mate Clooney, and hired new men. Then he reduced himself to the rank of First Mate, calling Clooney “Roberts.” After a short time, the original Roberts left the crew and the new Roberts to continue the piracy, and retired to a quiet life, like a king.
His second precaution also involved disinformation: the vanishingly few people privy to the secret, he led to believe that he had taken up residence in the Patagonia region of South America to live out his years in luxury and peace – when in fact Roberts bought a small plot of land in Neve Daniel and put up a stone house from which, on a clear day, the westward vista shows the Mediterranean, over forty miles away.
Other heirs to the Dread Pirate Roberts name have followed similar retirement paths: Clooney, after only a few years, handed the reins to a new Roberts named Cummerbund, and retired to an estate in Scotland; Cummerbund replaced himself with Ryan and settled in Iowa;, Ryan, in turn, brought in a Roberts names Westley and moved to Jamaica; Westley, according to rumor, has also since bequeathed the Roberts name and position to a new pirate, and now resides not far from the original, a fifteen-minute drive north in central Jerusalem.
Attempts to reach the current Dread Pirate Roberts to inquire of his retirement arrangements, and promising utmost confidentiality, produced only a cryptic response from a courier: “Confidentiality? I do not think it means what you think it means.”
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