Elders Of Zion Engineering Biden-Trump Rematch Just To Make Rest Of World Feel Better About Own Leadership

“A populace aware of how much worse it could be, but for the grace of God, is a docile populace.”

Undisclosed Location, Possibly the Moon Base, August 3 – The shadowy cabal that manipulates institutions and governments in an effort to cement and maintain global control disclosed today that the Democratic and Republican frontrunners in next year’s US presidential election, both of them among the least qualified figures in American national politics, hold their frontrunner status not because of any organic democratic process, but because the cabal has deemed it necessary to give people who live outside the US some perspective, to prompt the realization that they could have it much, much worse.

A representative of the Learned Elders of Zion transmitted a message to humanity this morning, addressed to “everyone living outside the United States of America,” to the effect that the emerging rematch between former President Donald Trump – the current favorite to win the GOP nomination next year – and President Joseph Biden, the Democratic candidate, according to most polls – will happen because the Elders have engineered the situation to assuage widespread global discontent with current leaders. In so doing, the message explained, people outside the US will “thank their lucky stars” that their countries, at least, aren’t at the mercy of one of two doddering scumbags who cannot formulate a coherent policy on any issue.

Analysts explained that the goal of the Biden-Trump dynamic is the same as every other Elders of Zion initiative: to maintain control. “A populace aware of how much worse it could be, but for the grace of God, is a docile populace,” observed Dr. Mack E. Avelli of Pew Research. “The Elders began making their point back in 2016, when they arranged for two of the most unlikable politicians in the country to head up the big party tickets. Then when Trump won, that scared quite a few would-be revolutionaries to reconsider the direness of their situations, and thus question the necessity of fomenting upheaval.”

“I couldn’t tell you whether the current ‘escalation’, if you will, of that phenomenon, is a response to more recent developments,” he continued, “or part of the same plan that began all those years ago. People as experienced and meticulous as the Elders of Zion could probably predict that more and more extreme measures would become necessary as events progressed, lest the masses forget how lucky they are not to live under Clinton, Trump, or Biden.

The announcement also made sure to invoke President of the Russian Federation Vladimir Putin, in case you failed to get the message.

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