Turkey Insists Made Al-Baghdadi Op Possible, No Armenian Genocide, Erdogan Not Gay

Turkish sources failed to provide concrete evidence of any of the subject assertions.

Ankara, October 28 – A day after an audacious American strike may have killed the leader of the notorious Islamic State terrorist group in northeastern Syria, Turkish officials clamored to create international media coverage to the effect that the country had provided the key intelligence information that enabled the strike, that the Muslim rulers of the dying Ottoman Empire and and its successor state bore no responsibility for the organized murder of of 1.5 million Christians in its territory during WWI, and that President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan most certainly does not prefer sex with men, no sir.

Still-emerging reports from Idlib Province appear to indicate that a combined airstrike and special forces incursion by US troops early Sunday morning resulted in Abu Bakr A-Baghdadi, the self-styled Khalif of the Islamic State, detonating a suicide explosive belt so as to avoid capture alive. President Erdoğan’s representatives touted his provision of important details that made the operation possible, citing his meetings with top-level Trump administration officials last week, and took the public relations opportunity the occasion provided to repeat both a longstanding official Turkish claim of dubious historical accuracy that millions of Armenians died through tragedy and internecine conflict, not a calculated Turkish policy, and that Erdoğan is definitely not homosexual how dare you even imply it.

“Our input proved crucial in engineering this dramatic development,” declared Ministry of Defense spokesman Hizfist Immirektim. By the same token, the estimates of how so many Armenians supposedly died when the  Ottoman Empire began disintegrating are way overblown and all those who accuse the governing Muslim factions of perpetrating or enabling it are biased against the noble and great state of Turkey, which benefits from the enlightened, bold, wise leadership of President Erdoğan who has been married to a woman since 1978, I might add. No gay man has ever hid his proclivities behind the façade of a heterosexual marriage. We can just stop with the scuttlebutt, please.” The spokesman appeared to giggle at his use of the word “scuttlebutt.”

Multiple groups in and beyond the region have rushed to claim credit for what several Washington-based intelligence sources surmise involved negligible operational assistance from non-American parties, but which stand to reap important prestige, political, and diplomatic benefits from the appearance of participation: Turkey, Kurdish militias, Russia, even Iran and several Persian Gulf states, to name but a few.

Turkish sources failed to provide concrete evidence of any of the subject assertions.

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