EU Prepares Bailout Plan For Impending US Moral Bankruptcy

The US has sustained damage to its morality stocks before, but not to the extent that it nearly undermined the entire moral framework of the society.

Brussels, July 16 – Fresh off a new agreement with Greece to restructure the bailout plan after the country defaulted on billions in debt to other European countries, the Continent’s leaders are considering a similar overture to the United States in the likely event of impending total US moral bankruptcy.

The US-led agreement with  Iran to remove all economic sanctions without demanding any changes in the Islamic Republic’s problematic behavior set off alarm bells in the Belgian capital, where the European Union maintains many of its offices. Few analysts had expected the US, long a repository of much of the Western world’s morality, to demonstrate a near-complete reversal in so short a time, but quickly realized that if Europe does not step in, the American moral system would collapse, and likely take down Europe and other countries in its wake.

EU foreign ministers quickly drafted a plan this week in the event of US moral bankruptcy, under which certain European countries would allocate some of their remaining morality so that the US could at least partially restore its moral system. While morality in Europe is already in short supply, and has been for more than a century, the impending shock of a morally bankrupt US has apparently convinced those governments that the risks of not allocating some leftover morality to the US far outweigh the benefits of expending that morality exclusively at home.

“The US is supposed to be the leader of the free world, and has borne that mantle well for decades,” said EU foreign policy chief Federica Mogherini. “But the sudden abandonment of longtime allies to the clutches of an ascendant, emboldened sponsor of international terrorism and violator of human rights signals the fast-depleting moral authority of American leadership, and we must do something to prevent it from disintegrating entirely.”

The US has sustained damage to its morality stocks before, but not to the extent that it nearly undermined the entire moral framework of the society. The use of torture by the Bush administration, as well as the folly of various foreign invasions of questionable merit or justification, have depleted, but never thoroughly threatened, American moral standing, but the Iran deal, which all but throws Israel and Sunni Arab states under the bus, caused American moral standing to evaporate almost completely. European officials note that the only shreds of morality remaining in US policy and society involve the removal of the Confederate flag from South Carolina’s legislature building and a continued desire to want Donald Trump in the presidential race not as a seriously considered candidate, but for entertainment purposes only.

(h/t Morty Tenenbaum)