Europe-Funded Palestinians Fight For Same Illegal Land-Grab

“I don’t know where these scumbags got the idea that they could just rumble in and steal our perfectly legitimate theft.”

North of Jerusalem, September 5 – Two groups of activists with financial backing from separate German political entities clashed today when both attempted to construct unauthorized buildings in territory allocated to Israel under agreements in the 1990’s. The fighting injured six, according to the Palestinian Red Crescent Society.

A collection of Palestinians and foreign visitors arrived at a hilltop in Area C – which the Oslo Accords of 1993 placed under full Israel civil and military auspices – to set up a makeshift school Sunday, only to discover that others, with support from a different faction, had arrived earlier and had already set up their own structures that, if or when the IDF demolishes them to enforce both property law and Palestinian-Israeli agreement provisions, will provide emotionally-resonant images of Jews mistreating helpless Arabs. Heated exchanges of words soon escalated to fisticuffs and objects thrown. Members of the group that arrived second managed to tear down most of the structures the first group had erected, and ambulances had to take three injury victims to hospitals in nearby Ramallah. Three others were treated at the scene and released.

“This is our land-grab,” insisted Hans Beider-Manhoff of the Rosa Luxemburg Foundation. “We provided the funding for an ostensible school and playground, and were going to start busing in Palestinian children who live nowhere near here. But this other group here, who wouldn’t know a legitimate political move if it bulldozed them – which is no more or less than they deserve – seems to think they can just muscle in on our facts-on-the-ground seizure of territory for Palestine. Not today, my friends. Not today.”

“These low-lifes!” screamed Greta Braun of the Konrad Adenauer Foundation. “Like Palestinian rhetoric claims, we were here first! I don’t know where these scumbags got the idea that they could just rumble in and steal our perfectly legitimate theft on behalf of Palestine, human rights, and world peace. We’re going to register a formal complaint with the-” she cut herself off, a colleague later explained, since using formal channels for such a move will force the various European movements funding Palestinian land grabs to acknowledge their role in those actions, which violate not only Israeli, but also German, law.

Remaining members of the rival groups vowed to maintain a vigil at the location to prevent the other from perpetrating the theft, but also to throw rocks and Molotov cocktails at Israeli motorists on the highway just over the ridge.

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