European Names That European Governments Forced On Jews Proves Jews Are European, Not Levantine

by Faisal al-Kurd, activist

Huwara, August 9 – Guys, guys! I’ve got the argument that will silence those stupid Zionists and their ridiculous claims that Jews from Poland, Russia, and wherever are indigenous to Palestine: show how the family surnames that Napoleon, the Hohenzollerns, the Hapsburgs, the Romanovs, and the other post-Enlightenment rulers imposed on the Jews in their domains indicate origins for those Jews in those places, and not here. You with me?

I got the idea from the Zionists themselves, that’s the poetry of it. We all know fellow Palestinians whose last names attest to ancestry not in Palestine: names that mean “from Aleppo,” “the Egyptian,” “the North African,” and my favorite, obviously, “the Kurd,” among many others. You might see them making the rounds on Zionist hasbara social media. Well, I thought, how about we turn the tables? Everyone knows “Teitelbaum” and “Ostrovsky” aren’t Levantine names! Those are names that were forced on Ashkenazi Jews in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries all across Europe, which proves that the Jews who came from Europe are European, and can’t claim to be “returning” to our land from which they say their ancestors were exiled.

Oh, I’m not worried about the question getting examined too closely. There might be some angry Zionists arguing that the names came long after those Jews arrived in Europe, but for our purposes, those countermeasures will be too little, too late. At that point we’ve landed our rhetorical blow, and our sympathizers far outnumber theirs. Those technical objections about so-called historical accuracy will be drowned out by the jeers, retweets, and uncritical parroting of our rhetoric that has long formed a centerpiece of mainstream Western journalism on the conflict here.

We can even make a noble concession that sure, maybe a few families carry Levantine genes, like the ones named “Cohen” or “Levy,” or some variation thereof, but the rest of them, the overwhelming majority, are just Russians or Ukrainians or Hungarians cosplaying as native Levantines. Everyone knows Palestine was always Arab, even before the Arabs conquered the place 1300 years ago. It’s basic information.

Remember, it doesn’t count when a Palestinian’s ancestry comes from outside Palestine. That’s the main point we’re trying to convey with this. The ease with which so many Arabs left Palestine in 1947 and 48 without seeing a single Jewish fighter might look bad, but remember, only hasbara morons look at facts like that and think they mean anything about attachment to the land; only hasbara morons think that an influx of Muslims from as far away as the Balkans in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries means they didn’t suddenly become native.

It’s checkmate this time, I’m sure of it.

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