Facebook Down, Ministers Bored To Death In Cabinet Meeting

Minister of Economics Naftali Bennett (Jewish Home).

Jerusalem, January 27 – The sudden collapse of Facebook and Instagram this morning inconvenienced more than a billion people, but perhaps none more so than the Israeli cabinet, who were now forced to pay attention during their weekly meeting.

Long accustomed to whiling away the time staring at their mobile devices as a colleague drones on about some issue, the ministers were unable to use the social networks to occupy themselves, and were instead forced to notice what as being said around them. The ministers described the experience as “Hellish,” and the meeting concluded with a vote to find and punish those responsible for the mishap.

“OMG, this is torture,” tweeted Economics Minister Naftali Bennett about ten minutes into the ninety-minute session. “FB down, Instagram down, WTF are we supposed to DO here??” echoed Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman. “Am I supposed to photograph the water pitcher and upload it later, or what?” wondered Culture and Sport Minister Limor Livnat.

As the group listened to Defense Minister Moshe Yaalon and Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu discuss recent diplomatic, military, and political developments, the visibly restless Cabinet alternated among feigned interest, daydreaming, and repeated refreshing of browser apps in the hope that the online services would resume. “I swear, I tried my Facebook app at least six hundred times while I was sitting there,” said Construction Minister Uri Ariel. “I can’t believe I had to sit there and listen to Bogie’s briefing,” he added, referring to the Defense Minister by his nickname.

“Couldn’t everyone’s remarks be limited to a hundred-forty characters?” wondered Minister of Immigrant Absorption Sofa Landver. “I could handle that.” She wanted to ask the Science, Technology, and Space Minister whether hashtags could be incorporated into oral speech, but then remembered that Yaakov Peri, the last person in that office, left the government when his party, Yesh Atid, withdrew from the Coalition.

Netanyahu himself seemed not to notice the altered ambience of the proceedings, but several observers noticed a look of grim satisfaction on the Prime Minister’s face.