Factory Adds ‘Not To Be Used To Carry Explosives’ Stamp To Balloons Exported To Gaza

“That’s got to be one imbecile of an end user. Are they American?”

Guangzhou, March 11 – Staff at a manufacturer of synthetic rubber festive accessories in this Chinese port city voiced frustration with the Palestinian militant movement Hamas today at having to retool their facility’s production process to include a warning not to use the otherwise harmless items for the conveyance of firebombs, rocket-propelled grenades, and other incendiary devices into Israeli communities.

Management and line workers at Zhou Enterprises began the tedious task this morning of disassembling pallets of merchandise slated for shipment to the Gaza Strip, in preparation for repackaging the contents in new bags that feature a new line of cautionary text advising the customer that safe use of the product does not include attaching explosive devices to bunches of helium-filled balloons and sending them into the wind and over the border to kill Jews. The new procedure disrupted an otherwise efficient run of production and packaging, causing no small amount of annoyance.

“It was all set to go and then the new instructions came in,” recalled Floor Manager Li Zhiang. “We lost almost an entire day’s work having to redo everything. That’s not going to look good on the monthly efficiency report, and we’re working the floor personnel hard enough as it is. I’m in no position to question management’s decision on this, because as I understand this could be a real safety liability for the end user, but between you and me, that’s got to be one imbecile of an end user. Are they American? Australian?” She shook her head in disbelief at the answer.

“I was thinking this was one of our better weeks in the package-printing section,” lamented a worker who gave her name as Yua. “What a shame. At least we’ll be able to reuse the packaging for other markets that don’t seem to need a warning not to attach a children’s accessory to some of the most dangerous items in existence.”

Senior figures at Zhou could not recall needing to include such warnings before. “I’ve been with this outfit for close to fifteen years,” observed Senior Vice President Xi Zhinao, “and for six years before that, I was with a similar operation in Shanghai. I don’t remember anyone being so stupid that they had to be told not to use balloons, or kites, or whatever, in conjunction with war materiel or incendiary devices. People out there must be getting more and more idiotic as the years go by.”

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