Flooded Israeli Coastal Towns Weirdly Not Blaming Open Dams

Not a single victim of the flooding mentioned malevolence on the part of the Israeli military or Netanyahu-led government.

Yavne, November 9 – The first major rainfall of the season struck the plains west of Jerusalem last week, resulting in the overflow of drainage systems in streets, but that for some reason did not prompt Israelis to accuse the IDF of opening dams to cause all that excess water to deluge their communities, despite ample precedent for such accusations from pro-Palestinian quarters whenever the nearby Gaza Strip’s inferior infrastructure fails to handle sizable quantities of rain.

The rainy season’s first major storm system hit Israel last week, bringing with it a sudden downpour that overwhelmed the storm drains of various coastal towns and cities and caused property damage, the extent of which remains unknown at press time. Journalists and NGOs, however, found no residents of the stricken areas, nor anyone claiming to represent their interests, who explained the phenomenon by invoking dams. In fact, inquiries revealed only mild criticism of Israeli leaders, all of which targeted municipal officials and local infrastructure maintenance policy, with not a single victim of the flooding mentioning malevolence on the part of the Israeli military or Netanyahu-led government. The latter type of accusation has proved a regular feature of rain flooding in Gaza, where activists and NGOs leap at any pretext to blame Israel for misfortunes that in fact result from Hamas investment in violence rather than infrastructure or the local economy.

Experts confessed they remain at a loss to explain the absence of dam-opening accusations, and dismissed suggestions that the victims know of no dams in the area that can be opened to such effect. “The same holds true of Gaza,” noted sociologist Ali Latdam. “That doesn’t stop the more-or-less-annual ritual of blaming Israeli dams for Gaza flooding, and there’s no shortage of people informing the accusers of the unfortunate fact that Israel has no damming evidence, so to speak, in the relevant area that can account for that volume of water. The absence of dams cannot, therefore, serve as a factor in the current case either.”

Researchers’ most-favored hypothesis to explain the lack of dam-blaming involves an elaborate model in which every Israeli victim of the flooding, by dint of being Israeli and therefore an evil Zionist, is intentionally suppressing the truth about the dams, as part of an ongoing effort to make life for Palestinians as miserable as possible, which is all evil Zionists think about all day even though they have actual lives and hobbies and other things to do that in no way involve Palestinians.

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