Gaza Mages Frustrated That So Many IDF Fighters Making Saving Throws

“The [civilian] Israelis we killed on October 7 couldn’t make saving throws nearly as well.”

Gaza City, November 22 – The clerics, elves, and other spellcasting members of Hamas trying to hold off Israel’s infantry and cavalry operation to take control of, and then clear of opposition, the northern part of this coastal territory, as well as to rescue any hostages along the way, voiced frustration again today at the invading forces’ uncanny ability to ward off the hexes aimed their way.

Mages and other magic-wielding Hamas personnel engaging the IDF in Gaza reported that only occasionally do their Magic Missile spells work, and the plethora of other curses, jinxes, and hexes fail, at least nine times out of ten, to score significant damage, leading the casters to believe that Israel possesses some device that grants its fighters an advantage in saving throws: allowing two rolls of the twenty-faceted die, instead of only one, and using whichever roll comes out higher.

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had them in my sights and aimed fire at them,” recalled a frustrated Elf named Majeeq Misil. “There shouldn’t even be a saving throw for some spells. They’re supposed to be fail-safe. But somehow the Israelis show no damage most of the time. We expected their casualties to be much, much higher.”

“I’ve made my concerns known to the Dungeon Masters at the United Nations and human rights organizations,” acknowledged Elphaba Masri, a Mage. “I think the Zionists are using weighted dice or something. I thought the UN and NGOs only let us use our own dice for this kind of thing. It’s not fair if the Jews can do it too.”

IDF reports indicate more than a few dozen fatalities in its ranks since the ground operation began in later October, indicating that whatever saving throw advantage the Israeli military has, it remains imperfect. More dramatic, however, is the imbalance in the other direction: Hamas characters, despite equipping themselves with what they considered formidable offensive and defensive capabilities, IDF attacks have exacted a lopsided toll: thousands of Hamas combatants have fallen to the airstrikes, artillery barrages, tank fire, and other IDF weapons, which Palestinian sources have sworn could only be as potent as they are if the IDF wields the Gauntlets of Ogre Power, which boosts the impact of one’s attacks to the maximum 18. Meanwhile, only several dozen IDF troops have fallen since the ground invasion of Gaza began.

“The [civilian] Israelis we killed on October 7 couldn’t make saving throws nearly as well,” remarked Masri. “I wish we were still facing those.”

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