God Amused At Your Optimism That 2018 Will Be Better Than 2017

The situation isn’t going to improve just because people are resetting their calendars.

Eden, January 2 – Heavenly sources reported this evening that the Creator and Ruler of the Universe has issued numerous guffaws over your baseless assumption that the new year will offer any improvement over its predecessor.

Ministering angels told reporters Tuesday night that your unwarranted optimistic outlook for 2018, which flies in the face of established patterns and mountains of evidence to undermine it, continues to provide fodder for divine laughter as the Lord awaits the numerous moments of disillusionment and disappointment you should have seen coming, given the way things have been going for a while now.

“The Merciful One has had at least eight hearty chuckles at this willful blindness in the last hour alone,” observed Archangel Gabriel. “I’ve lost count of the number of times He has pulled one of us aside to gawk at the many levels on which that optimism is comically misplaced, and I have to admit the tragedy of it all makes it all the more amusing.”

Chief among the factors you appear to be ignoring, noted Gabriel’s colleague Michael, stands the continuing decay of political discourse, and of discourse in general. “The situation isn’t going to improve just because people are resetting their calendars,” he remarked. “Quite the opposite, in fact; anyone who thought the last year saw a scraping of the bottom of the barrel, rhetoric-wise, then in 2018 they can can expect to see the bottom of the barrel get scraped away entirely, the floor underneath it drilled clean through, the ground beneath that excavated away, and a four-hundred-foot shaft dynamited through the bedrock. It’s not going to be pretty.”

Other glaring indications that the situation will hardly improve in the nascent year include a moral decay that draws equivalence between democratic societies and repressive dictatorships, to the point of defending barbaric violations of human rights on the part of the latter as either a response to imagined oppression by the former, or as a cultural norm to be accepted. In a similar vein, commercial interests, notably those of European industry and government, will continue to receive priority over moral and democratic principles when it comes to Iran and other sponsors of terrorism, but wrapped in the guise of an ethical position that requires not interfering in the domestic affairs of sovereign nations, however brutal, except if that sovereign nation is Jewish, in which case interference becomes a matter of the highest moral urgency.

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