Google Fears Driverless Competition From ‘Cars’ That Hit Israelis

“If the Guardian, Times of London, and Agence France-Presse have it right, there is an unknown number of driverless cars already out there.”

Mountain View, CA, January 26 – Executives at global technology giant Google voiced concerns today about unknown competitors in the nascent driverless car industry, after encountering news coverage of cars that hit Israelis, but which made no mention of the Palestinians driving those cars.

Project leaders at the company held a strategy session this afternoon to discuss the knowns and unknowns regarding the unidentified entity or entities behind the driverless cars mentioned in the news coverage, and whether these apparently driverless vehicles present a threat to Google’s market ambitions.

“According to Reuters, the BBC, Haaretz, The New York Times, The Independent, and numerous other news sources, ‘cars’ and ‘trucks’ have been running down Israelis for the last several years,” observed Otto Nomus, a senior marketing strategist. “In many of those reports, at least in the headline and lede, mention of a driver was absent, raising the possibility that somewhere in the Middle East is an anonymous enterprise or enterprises with driverless vehicle technology. While the bloody outcome of these incidents indicates they have yet to master the safety issues, we need to know more about these shadowy entities before we can arrive at a useful assessment of the market potential and the competitive picture.”

Other executives pointed out that several clues were available as to the nationality, if not the identity, of the driverless technology developers behind the vehicular assaults in Israel. “Most, if not all, of the vehicles involved in these incidents appear to have Palestinian registration,” explained Tenn Denschuss, a team leader. “That at least tells us where this technology is being developed. What we don’t know, however, is whether these deadly incidents are malfunctions of actual prototypes or merely tests of an early-stage product. That’s crucial for us to know.”

Tesla Motors, which has also entered the diverless arena, shares Google’s concerns. “If the Guardian, Times of London, and Agence France-Presse have it right, there is an unknown number of driverless cars already out there,” agreed Tesla VP of R&D Gimiya Breik. “Our assumptions regarding the relative lack of advanced technological development among Palestinians may need reassessment if that’s the case. We’ve poured far too much capital into developing this technology to have some garage-based enterprise achieve the same thing.”

Both companies’ efforts to obtain more information on the origin and technical details of the Palestinian driverless cars have so far come up empty. “All we’ve been able to find is that for each incident the Western media calls ‘cars’ killing people, outlets such as Al Jazeera and Press TV seem to have an unrelated incident happening at the same time, in which an innocent Palestinian is shot by the IDF. I don’t know whether that’s significant.”

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