Hamas Asks If Using Only 50% Of Gaza Aid For Terrorism OK

Instead of many hundreds of millions of dollars per year in aid going primarily to tunnels and weapons, would those governments still provide the much-needed aid if the terrorism allocation were reduced to only a few hundred million?

Gaza City, April 20 – Leaders of the militant Islamist movement that governs this coastal territory on the Mediterranean inquired of foreign representatives today whether they would agree to maintain financial assistance if the movement only allocated half of it to terrorist activities.

Spokesmen for Hamas contacted representatives of American, European, Australian, and Canadian governments today via back channels to determine the extent to which the latter might tolerate the organization’s continued prioritization of killing Israelis over meeting the needs of the Gaza Strip’s population. Instead of many hundreds of millions of dollars per year in aid going primarily to tunnels, weapons smuggling, training of terrorists, and whipping up murderous anti-Israel sentiment among Gazans, they asked, would those governments still provide the much-needed aid if the terrorism allocation were reduced to only a few hundred million. A Hamas spokesman who declined to be identified told PreOccupied Territory they had yet to receive a reply.

“The notion that people object to contributing to the violent deaths of Jews is a new one,” admitted the spokesman, “and it took us by surprise. All the media attention in recent years given to our rearming for purposes of eliminating the Jews from Palestine has somehow created an expectation that we not engage in that sacred mission as our primary goal, and as you can imagine, that flies in the face of everything everyone ever did to Jews. But prominent donor nations seem serious about this, so we’re trying to gauge to what degree we can dedicate ourselves to killing Jews using donor funds.”

Some experts disagreed with the spokesman’s assessment. “No, they don’t actually care when Jews are killed,” insisted Ken Livingstone, a former Mayor of London and a student of antisemitism. “It’s mostly a question of transparency. The funds are provided for other purposes, namely to help the people of Gaza, and using the money to shoot at Israel will only harm the people of Gaza when Israel inevitably shoots back.”

“I actually disagree with Ken,” asserted Linda Sarsour. “If the donor nations really did care about Palestinian lives they would have cut off all aid a long time ago. Fortunately, they see eye-to-eye with Hamas on the expendability of Palestinian lives in the effort to keep Israel from getting uppity and thinking it can just have peace and security like any other country when everyone knows that’s not the Jews’ place. The Jews’ place is in the ground, which is why I was so happy to raise funds to repair Jewish graves.”

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