Hamas Funeral Hits Snag As All Gravedigger Shovels Busy Digging Terror Tunnels

Embarrassed movement figures attempted to downplay the mistake.

Khan Yunis, Gaza Strip November 12 – Burial for a number of Islamist fighters killed in a clash with Israel yesterday encountered delays when cemetery workers discovered the equipment they needed to inter the bodies had been appropriated by their movement’s operational wing for purposes of excavating underground passages to use in infiltrating Israel, witnesses reported.

A raid by IDF forces killed five Hamas operatives late Sunday, as a result of which supporters thronged the streets of this city in the southern sector of the coastal territory for a combined funeral. Hamas-flag-adorned coffins sat as speakers called for bloody vengeance against the Jewish State, vowed to continue the path of armed conflict, and praised the departed as holy martyrs. However, according to attendees, the procession to the cemetery ground to a halt upon realizing that the gravediggers were unable to prepare the burial plots because other Hamas personnel had taken their shovels and machinery to extend and repair the movement’s subterranean passages and logistical infrastructure.

Families of the departed voiced confusion and frustration. “I don’t get it,” murmured Ali Barakeh, a cousin of the field commander killed in the short battle. “Why didn’t anyone think of this earlier? I don’t know what to think, and I’m feeling buffeted and dazed. Can we blame this on the Jews? I mean directly.”

Embarrassed movement figures attempted to downplay the mistake. “This is a momentary hiccup,” assured Ayama Ful. “It’s not like the time a couple of years ago when we dug in the wrong direction and flooded half our tunnel network with seawater. Minor mishaps such as this just happen sometimes, but if we can persevere under the Zionists’ siege, we can certainly handle waiting a little longer than planned to bury our dead.”

Hamas personnel eventually located and retrieved the equipment, ensuring that the burial delay lasted just over an hour. The planning error caused concern among commanders of the militant organization, who worried that Israeli surveillance of the goings-on would uncover the entrance or entrances to the tunnel system and prompt an air strike. To forestall such an eventuality, more than a dozen decoy messengers went their various ways to dilute the likelihood of such a strike. As a further precaution, each messenger went in the company of a small child to reduce the chances of a strike in real time, and, should such a strike nevertheless occur, it could be used to further the Israel-as-indiscriminate-child-killer propaganda narrative.

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