Hamas Rocket Performance Looking Eerily Familiar To Galactic Empire Storm Troopers

“Did we train them?” wondered Tarkin.

Tatooine, May 4 – Military officials in a galaxy far, far away have taken note of the accuracy, or lack thereof, of the missiles fired toward Israel by the Islamist movement that governs the Gaza Strip, and realized how similar it appears to their own soldiers’ marksmanship, to the point that several such officials wondered aloud today whether the Islamist terrorists had copied Galactic Empire training manuals and procedures.

An offhand remark by Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin on Tuesday indicated the leader’s puzzlement and suspicion that Hamas might have availed itself, by means still undetermined, of many of the same resources as did the Galactic Empire in developing the Islamist group’s martial capabilities, in particular the generally-accurate-but-almost-never-precise-enough-to-score-real-damage performance of Hamas rockets, performance that bears uncanny resemblance to Imperial storm troopers’ own fire in combat with rebels.

“Did we train them?” wondered Tarkin to an aide, upon reviewing coverage of Hamas rocket attacks on Israeli communities from Gaza. “They have all this equipment – I am given to understand a power called ‘Iran’ supplies them with a sophisticated arsenal of ballistic weapons – but the percentage of projectiles that strikes a target of value remains embarrassingly low. Just like the performance of our storm troopers in nearly every encounter. I can think of only one such battle where we gave better than we received, and that was the apprehension of that rebel vessel fleeing us with the Death Star plans.”

“I can’t help but wonder if they’re copying our techniques,” continued Tarkin. “The occasional precision, as our troopers demonstrated in slaughtering the band of Jawas that sold the two droids we were looking for, represents a minority in the annals of our warfare. If you look at the ragtag group that somehow escaped our clutches on the first Death Star, not suffering a single casualty to our blasters, you’ll see a much more indicative statistic. the same appears to apply to Hamas rockets. I get that Israel now had the Iron Dome system to defend against rockets that otherwise have a high probability of casualties, but even that system fails on occasion, and the number of Israeli casualties in such incidents is shamefully low, at least from the rocket-wielder’s perspective. If not for the prohibitive time and distance involved, I would be hard-pressed to rule out Hamas stealing our methods outright, or perhaps undergoing training under our aegis. But I am unaware of any such contacts between our organizations.”

“Not that I have rule out such an arrangement,” he added. “I could see our ideology and theirs dovetailing on quite a few significant points.”

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