Hamas Rockets Leave Leftists Buried Under Collapsed Ideology

North Tel Aviv, July 16 – While Hamas rocket-launch teams in Gaza continue their so-far-unsuccessful attempt to sow widespread death and destruction among the Israeli civilian population, the Home Front Command today reported a sharp increase in referrals of leftist Israelis for treatment of psychiatric trauma.

Hospital emergency rooms that had been prepared for numerous physical injuries have instead been receiving a large number of psychiatric cases. Shock among leftists is apparently the major cause, according to ER spokespeople and patients. “This morning I was watching CNN report how innocent Palestinians, disabled women and children among them, were being killed by the Zionist air force when the sirens went off for the umpteenth time,” said a shaken Cameron Sickle, a Tel Aviv member of the Meretz party. “Before I could get to the shelter, I was out in the open and there was this big crash – I was suddenly struck by the notion that Hamas could have built a functional, possibly even thriving Gaza, but instead they are trying to kill me, and CNN and the BBC never told me that, and of course why should they and I just can’t take it and.. and…” Sickle is under sedation at Asuta Hospital.

Emergency Services last night removed Peace Now activist Hasva Halila from an alleyway behind her apartment building in the Ramat Aviv neighborhood. An incoming rocket had been intercepted directly overhead by an Iron Dome battery as she huddled against the wall. Magen David Adom ambulance volunteers reported that Halila had been “terrorized” – they found her stuttering incoherently and repeatedly, “Missiles are bad, peace now, war is bad, peace now, they almost killed me, peace now, a missile saved my life, peace now, missiles are bad, peace now, war is bad…”

“We call this behavior the Mobius Syndrome,” said a paramedic at the scene, “when committed leftists whose entire lives had been spent relying on rage, personal attack, willful blindness, moral relativism, self-loathing, and snarky rejoinder to sustain their belief system, suddenly are confronted with a cold, undeniable and deadly fact contrary to their rose-colored vision. They go into shock, endlessly trapped in a circular pattern of incredulity. Hopefully, research at Weizmann can provide a cure.”

Poll figures are showing a 90% support rate for Israeli army efforts at stopping the barrage from Gaza while only 3% oppose. Ms. Halila is now committed to a psych ward, where she has repeatedly chided the custodian for killing billions of defenseless bacteria each time he washes the floor.

(Guest author)