Hamas Trying To Increase Balloon-Bomb Range To Reach UAE, Bahrain

Hitting the desert in eastern Jordan or northern Saudi Arabia isn’t going to satisfy Hamas, because there are no forests, brush, or day care enters to set on fire there.

Gaza City, September 17 – The militant Islamist organization that governs this coastal territory aims to improve how far it can send wind-borne incendiary devices so as to target two Persian Gulf countries that signed a peace treaty with Israel this week, a spokesman for the movement announced Thursday.

Hamas directed its weapons development personnel to alter their plans for helium-balloon-carried firebombs to reach farther into the Jewish State, and instead give greater focus to much longer-range weapons intended for the United Arab Emirates and Bahrain, the two Arab nations whose representatives signed the Abraham Accords on the White House lawn on Tuesday.

Hamas representative Fawzi Barhoum spoke to reporters at a press conference Thursday morning. “The Zionist Entity will always be there,” he intoned. “I mean, no it won’t, because we’re engaged in the epic jihad to rid the land of that scourge, but- oh, forget I said that. Let me start over. Our righteous efforts to strike painful blows deep within enemy-occupied territory will continue, but we will also pursue vengeance against those who have betrayed the holy Palestinian cause by normalizing relations with the descendants of apes and pigs instead of subordinating all their policies to our agenda.”

Barhoum declined to respond when asked whether Gaza militants’ principal sponsor, Iran, would provide other weaponry to help them reach the UAE and Bahrain.

Experts noted that Hamas and the other Gaza-based terrorist groups seeking to target those Gulf states – which may soon include Oman and Saudi Arabia, if White House pronouncements prove correct – face formidable technological and natural obstacles in pursuit of such weapons. “For one thing, the wind currents don’t go that way,” explained Pulsa Dinura, an arms trade consultant. “In the mornings the wind blows inland from the Mediterranean, but not for long, and not that far inland. Helium balloons won’t travel far enough even if the wind takes them all the way in the right direction: the hot sun of the Arabian desert will simply cause the gas to expand until the balloons can’t take the stress anymore and they’ll pop. Hitting the desert in eastern Jordan or northern Saudi Arabia isn’t going to satisfy Hamas, because there are no forests, brush, or day care enters to set on fire there.”

Barhoum vowed progress on the project soon. “We must strike while the iron is hot, and this pretext for violence still resonates,” he observed. “Soon another pretext will emerge, and we want to be able to give it our full attention.”

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