Hand That Feeds Palestinians Now Almost All Scar Tissue

The hand that feeds the Palestinians long ago had the opportunity to withdraw its support in response to the ingratitude.

Ramallah, April 5 – The appendage used in providing for the needs of the Palestinians has turned almost entirely into scar tissue from repeated biting, medical officials reported today.

In his monthly update of the state of the Palestinian medical system, Dr. Handat Fidzmi of the Ministry of Health in the Palestinian capital informed his colleagues and other interested parties of the recent developments in the hand’s condition, and analyzed the positive and negative ramifications of the scar tissue for the society at large.

“On one crusty, impaired hand, we anticipate some difficulty in the provision of food, economic aid, infrastructure, and graft at the levels Palestinians have become accustomed to receiving, given the restricted movement and responsiveness of the bitten-up hand,” he wrote. “However, scar tissue has its advantages, among which is the ability not to transmit pain with the same intensity as healthy tissue, a fact that will facilitate the continued foul attitude toward the providers of Palestinian aid with less worry that such offensive behavior and statements result in any cessation of aid.”

The biting has taken the form of terrorism against western targets, or on Western soil; societal movements that take pride in calling for the destruction or downfall of Western society; political maneuvering that undermines the stability of supposed allies; and accusing those who provide aid of stinginess.

In his analysis, Dr. Fidzmi noted hopefully that the hand that feeds the Palestinians long ago had the opportunity to withdraw its support in response to the ingratitude, and that therefore the prospect of it doing so now, or ever, appears unlikely. “The real concern, then,” he concluded, “is only the impaired ability of that hand to continue feeding us, but failing that, we can always resort to the cash cow of blaming Israel.”

Complicating matters, however, is the fact that the hand that feeds the Palestinians belongs partly to Israel, said economist Phil T. Lucre. “The one portion of the hand that feeds the Palestinians that is not entirely scar-tissue-encrusted is Israel, which both remains sensitive to every instance of getting bitten and has the most skill in getting the Palestinians what they need,” he explained. “At this point, while Palestinian political stability is important to Israel, it won’t be long before even the last bastion of unscarred hand will have enough, and pull away.”

The monthly report also noted that Palestinian society’s condition had stabilized following repeated infections that resulted from cutting off its nose to spite its face.

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