Haredi Paper Forgets To Airbrush Out Hot New Minister

The photograph in question also included two other female cabinet members, Minister of Culture Miri Regev and Deputy Foreign Minister Tzipi Hotovely, but their hotness has been overshadowed by that of Minister Shaked.

Jerusalem, May 17 – An ultra-orthodox daily newspaper was forced to recall all available copies from newsstands Sunday after newsroom staff belatedly noticed that the image of Justice Minister Ayelet Shaked had not been photoshopped out of the official portrait of the new Netanyahu government before the paper went to print.

The newspaper, Hamachmir, sent staff and some volunteers from the community to collect unsold copies, and to put up notices around the neighborhood informing purchasers where they could exchange the copy they had bought for one with no appearance of an attractive female anywhere inside. A spokesman for the paper said subscribers could also avail themselves of the exchange service, and would be allowed to choose between a newer edition with the properly airbrushed photo and a free extension of their subscriptions by one week.

“We apologize for the oversight, and for subjecting our readers to images of a pretty woman,” said Moishe Fachnyukt. “Our management has opened an investigation into how such a thing could have happened, and we assure our readership that whatever lapses are discovered, they will be addressed to ensure that never again will they have to see an attractive female on the pages of our publication.”

Hamachmir’s policy of censoring what they consider provocative content is not restricted to the realm of good-looking women. Discussion of sexual abuse – or of sexuality in general – never appears in its pages. Fachnyukt declined to discuss whether that was because he thought the problem was adequately addressed in Haredi circles, or because discussing it publicly might give people bad ideas, which of course they have no power to resist on their own. “If I explain why I’m not talking about it, that would be talking about it, and we don’t do that.”

The challenge of attractive female public figures has seldom presented a problem for Hamachmir, as the vast majority of such figures are important only in segments of society and culture in which the paper’s readership has no interest. Occasionally an attractive female world leader will make headlines, but it has not historically been necessary to include any photographs. “I’m told former Ukrainian leader Yulia Timoschenko was a hot number, but few of our readers have much interest in identifying her. With all due respect to many foreign leaders, our readers do not place such a priority on distinguishing among them visually.”

The photograph in question also included two other female cabinet members, Minister of Culture Miri Regev and Deputy Foreign Minister Tzipi Hotovely, but their hotness has been overshadowed by that of Minister Shaked. Mr. Fachnyukt stressed that the focus on the Shaked image should in no way imply that the paper, or the community it serves, condones other attractive females. “If at all possible we encourage our daughters and wives to stay inside, lest their appearance corrupt the minds and hearts of the men,” he explained. “The accidental use of an non-altered photo would be just as troublesome with the appearance only of moderately attractive women. It’s just that the image in question is of a more extreme nature.”

“At least I think it is,” he added. “I have to take a good, lingering look again, just to make sure.”