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Harris Campaign Skips Middle Man By Merging With CAIR

“Personnel is policy.”

Washington, September 12 – Aides to the vice president disclosed today that instead of going through the cumbersome process of identifying, vetting, and hiring individuals with the requisite experience and animus toward Israel necessary to develop policy for her anticipated presidential administration, the organization will simply absorb the Council on American-Islamic Relations, since the two outfits overlap on virtually all policy points as it is.

Harris for President campaign spokesman Keith Ellison told reporters that the campaign and CAIR reached an agreement in principle last week, and that official proceedings to merge the two organizations will begin later this month.

“There are some technical and bureaucratic issues to settle before this can get off the ground,” Ellison explained. “But since so much of our preferred policy packages are functionally identical, and the good people at CAIR have so much experience pursuing just that, we figured the most efficient path was this merger.”

“Personnel is policy,” he added. “That’s a tried and true principle. The campaign, the transition team, and the administration will all be of a piece. I’m very much looking forward to working with, and for, the fine people at CAIR.”

Analysts believe the move aims to shore up support for the Democratic Party candidate in areas such as Michigan, where doubts about Harris’s concern for Palestinians have eroded her performance in polls. Public declarations in solidarity with the families of Israelis held hostage by Hamas, as well as endorsing Israeli self-defense, gave pro-Palestinian Americans pause, with many accusing the current administration – in which Harris has boasted of taking a lead role in crafting policy – of genocide in Gaza.

“Time will tell,” assessed Nate Silver, whose polls show Harris in a statistical dead heat nationally versus Donald Trump, with perhaps a narrow edge in several swing states. “The current numbers are too close for comfort. Will this help secure Michigan? Perhaps. Will it alienate Jewish voters? Not enough to matter. Jews that Harris has not succeeded in alienating until this point are unlikely to change their views now. As one community activist explained it to me, Trump is such a danger to American democracy that we must vote for the people opposing him regardless of what that means for Jewish safety and survival.”

Unconfirmed reports spoke of some unresolved tensions among the overlapping staff of the two organizations, chiefly surrounding the issue of how much involvement of actual Jews, as progressive and pro-Palestine as they might be, is appropriate.

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