Heavenly Academics Say Custom To Wear White On Yom Kippur ‘Appropriation’

“A day for attaining atonement for one’s offenses could hardly be more egregiously violated than by spending the entire time clothed in stolen styles.”

Supernal realms, October 11 – The angelic souls of professors and career scholars of the humanities and social sciences accused Jews today of stealing the idea for how to dress on the Day of Atonement, saying that the white garb traditionally worn on that day as a sign of wanting to be cleansed of sin is taken without consent from the pure realms of the angels.

A spokesangel for the Association of Deceased Academics in Heaven registered an official protest with the divine ombudsman today, in advance of the holy day of Yom Kippur, widely viewed as the most solemn day on the Jewish calendar. The ADAH representative demanded that a divine emissary be sent to declare in no uncertain terms that this year, Jews are not to appropriate attire from Heaven, and must dress differently from the way they have been doing so for centuries.

“It is the height of insensitivity to dress as an angel when one is a mere mortal,” pronounced the spokesangel, who once taught sociology at the University of California at Irvine. “A day for attaining atonement for one’s offenses could hardly be more egregiously violated than by spending the entire time clothed in stolen styles. We demand on behalf of all residents of Paradise that the ritual wearing of white garments in evocation of angelic purity be forbidden to the earth-bound.”

Experts do not believe the petition will find an attentive ear in the Heavenly Court, primarily because the LORD Himself has already made the association for Jews between Yom Kippur and wearing white. “The High Priest in the Temple would wear all-white garments only on the Day of Atonement, as set forth in the book of Leviticus,” explained the archangel Michael. “It could hardly be plainer that God endorses this behavior, especially in the absence of the Earthly service in the Temple, when the liturgy and customs of the day must now accomplish the same ends as the ancient offerings and incense rituals. I don’t see this effort going anywhere.”

The deceased academics remain undeterred. “It’s a simple matter of cultural sensitivity,” argued Judith Butler, who is not actually dead yet, but seeks to rally the angels to her banner. “You have to understand that only the Left, the global Left, has a place in Heaven, since everyone else is by definition a narrow-minded, hating bigot.”

Butler trailed off, puzzled by her inability to locate in Heaven any of her Global Left allies and idols from Hamas and Hezbollah.