How Many Bullets Can The Posts Of This Crib Hold?

By Al Nusra, expectant father

Hi, good morning. Sorry to bother you with so many basic questions about baby furniture and supplies – my wife and I are new at this. Hey, thanks. Two months to go. The doctors think it’s a boy, and we’re into traditional gender roles, so what I need to know is, how many bullets can we hide in the legs and posts of this crib?

I’m sure you get that question a lot. But yeah. We need to know, since that’s one of those fundamental things. We got the coconut-layer mattress, and the matching blue trim to go with the sheets, but that’s just details. Do you think we could squeeze an entire AK-47 into the space between the mattress and the board without it bulging too much, or are we going to need to disassemble the weapon to stow it there?

I see you sell changing tables with drawers underneath. Tell me, which ones come with false backs so we can conceal suicide bomber vests in there, if necessary? What’s the standard depth for such a space? How many vests can fit?

We’re going to need some other accessories, such as rattles. Do those come with grenades pre-concealed in them, or do we have to supply them ourselves? And the sippy cups – we need a recommendation for which kinds are best for converting into Molotov cocktails.

Strollers – oh, boy, do we need guidance here. I’m not really sure what our needs are, and we have a limited budget, so we’re going to have to make a decision: do we go with a pram-like vehicle that can carry a good amount of guns and ammunition regardless of whether the baby is in there, or should we look ahead to when the kid sits upright, and there’s not enough room for both him and the weapons? Please show us some models that can hold bullets and maybe a detached gun barrel inside the frame.

OK, I think we’re close to done for this visit. We’re definitely going to have to come back for some other items, so you know what? Let’s just ask some of those questions now. What’s the best place in a bedroom to place a crib so that an Israeli bullet or shell fragment kills our child, for maximum propaganda value? it’s one thing if a projectile hits him, but quite another if we’re counting on the collapse of the building to do the trick, which would necessitate installing the furniture as close as possible to a Hamas position, regardless of whatever might come through the window.

Thank you! You’ve been extremely helpful.

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