I Can’t Stab Jews Today? You Never Let Me Do ANYTHING

By Falestin Masri, age 13

Mother, you’re being completely unreasonable. All I want to do is go out with a sharp implement and impale as many Jews as possible, but you insist I finish my homework and chores first. That just won’t work – we both know by the time I finish there won’t be nearly as many people out and about, and my chance to approach my victims undetected will evaporate. Admit it: you don’t want me to participate in this Intifada. You never let me do ANYTHING.

Remember last week, when all the boys were throwing firebombs at the cars with Israeli yellow license plates down on the highway? Well, I’d already finished my chores, but you made me clean my room again – I’d already done so the day before! But you dug for any pretext to keep me away from the action, and you found one. I wasn’t going to disobey you outright, not with Father there. But I could tell from the look on his face he was proud that his eldest daughter wants to shed some Jewish blood. You’re just too restrictive. None of my friends ever have to get permission to go stone cars or stab Jews. This is SO unfair.

I bet YOUR mother wasn’t this strict. I bet if I asked her she would encourage me to get a kitchen knife this minute, go down to the nearest road junction and attack some Jews waiting to catch a ride or bus. You’re not contradicting me outright because you know it’s true. See? See? So why can’t I do it? It’s as I said  – you’re being totally unreasonable.

I know I’m not too young. So many of the heroic attackers of the last few months have been around my age. My cohort has shown we’re not afraid, and can assault Jews with knives or scissors as diligently as anyone, even knowing we’ll probably get shot. But we don’t care! I don’t care about that! There’s so much more at stake here, and you’re keeping me away from martyrdom with your obvious concern for my “future” or something. What kind of future do you think I’ll have, anyway? I mean, if I settle for pursuing a career, or raising children, or doing something other than plunging a blade into the neck or abdomen of some Yahud, that would just be so… lame. Nihilistic, Pyrrhic struggle is where it’s at these days. You just don’t understand.

Grounded, huh? Well, I’ll show you! I’ll send a message to Fatah saying you’re a collaborator! I’ll do it! They’ll believe me! Hey! That’s MY phone! You can’t take it from- HEY! OK, OK, I’ll go clean up. Hmph.

You never let me do ANYTHING.