I Hate Having To Pretend I Like The Sweets Fadi Distributes When Jews Die

by Nimr Shehade, Palestinian

Hebron, July 3 – It happens every time. Every time Jews die as a result of Arab violence, or not through Arab violence but in large numbers, Fadi makes his “famous” knaffeh in celebration and insists that everyone have some – and no one dares to refuse, because that would look like refusing to celebrate Jewish misfortune, which would be unpatriotic. But his stuff is just terrible.

It’s his “secret family recipe” – yeah I’ll bet it is – it’s a secret because he’s too embarrassed that it uses pigeon droppings instead of cheese, or something like that. And we can all probably guess where the orange color on top comes from.

But no one will decline, because social pressure. Nobody wants to be seen as not rejoicing when Jews die in horrible ways. The situation puts anyone with taste buds in a serious bind. I’ve started to become a news junkie, not because I’m any more emotionally or politically invested in events than the next guy, but because I need to know, in real time, when it’s time to book it, because some of our guys killed some Jews and Fadi’s going to make something horrible that he thinks is good and that no one will be permitted to decline. It works most of the time except when he’s making a batch already for some stupid reason and there’s no time to escape.

Usually I’m able to find somewhere else to celebrate, since other people in the area make halfway decent treats and I’m fine if I can get to those people first. But that last time was a disaster – I was stuck on the toilet when the news came in of the shootings, and the dead Jews, and boom – practically ran into Fadi and his atrocities on my way out. No sneaking away for me. Almost had to make my way back to the toilet to throw up after that.

It’s reached the point that I’m no longer so thrilled when Jews die. Maybe that makes me a bad Palestinian, and certainly puts me in the minority in this city, but I can’t forever force myself to pretend I like his crap, and now instead of joy or pride when Palestinians kill Jews, I feel dread and nausea.

Is this what it’s like for homosexuals around here who have to pretend to think and feel like everyone else in order not to be accused of undermining the very fabric of our society? You know what? I’d rather be thrown off a roof than have to eat Fadi’s abominations one more time.

Please support our work through Patreon.
Buy In The Biblical Sense: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B92QYWSL