I Hope My Portion Of ‘Palestine Refugee’ Funding Gets Embezzled By Someone Cool

by Gigi Hadid

New York, February 3 – My modeling career makes it unnecessary, unwise, and distracting to wade into politics, but now and then I cannot help but express my feelings on the plight of my Palestinian brethren. Chief among those feelings: of the money that the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees gives the Palestinian leadership in Ramallah, I can only pray that whichever Palestinian official ends up pocketing the amount that represents me isn’t some lame-o, but at least looks fine, or has a cool car.

UNRWA calculates a significant portion of its annual budget to provide direct aid to the Palestine Liberation Organization – either directly or by proxy through the PLO-dominated Palestinian Authority governing autonomous Palestinian areas – based on the number of “refugees,” which the UN body defines differently from every other agency. Basically, the dictionary definition of “refugee” does not include the descendants in perpetuity of the people actually forced out of their homeland, but UNRWA does. Relatively few of the hundreds of thousands of Arabs who fled their hometowns in 1948 remain alive, but that’s OK with UNRWA; their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren now number in the millions, and regardless of whether they live refugee lives, UNRWA pays the Palestinian leadership to take care of them.

That includes such unfortunates as the Palestinians living under an Apartheid regime in Lebanon – for their own good so they don’t get too comfortable and think it’s OK not to want to go back to a place they’ve never lived! – and successful, independent folks of Palestinian heritage such as yours truly. I certainly don’t feel dependent on decisions made in Ramallah, so I’m happy to have whatever portion of those UNRWA funds that are my share go elsewhere. And since I know the Palestinian leadership loves to line its pockets and its Swiss accounts with said funds, I hope “my” funds are at least embezzled by someone dope.

I have a reputation to uphold, a public image. I can’t go around dating Zayn Malik and then suffer the embarrassment of having some doofus loser such as Mahmoud Abbas steal the money that corresponds to my existence. I don’t think I, or my siblings Bella and Anwar, whom I tease but love and would never want to be tainted with lameness, could live down being forever linked with an uber-dork such as Nabil Shaath. I was born in L.A. It would be so insulting.

So please, Palestinian leaders. Please reserve my portion of aid funds to be embezzled by someone who has a cultural clue.

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