I Pay The Best Bail

By Donald J. Trump, former President of the United States

New York, April 10 – It’s been five days since my arraignment, and let me just say – that was the greatest arraignment in the history of arraignments. My indictment is better than any indictment in the history of New York, and probably of the world. And the bail I paid after my arraignment – on ridiculous charges, by the way, just ridiculous – was the best bail ever paid, because I only pay the best bail. Just the best.

Many people are talking about how impressive and amazing my bail was. The bailiffs in the courtroom, the guards all around, the cops who were patrolling – they all had to stop and admire my bail, and to apologize for the way the corrupt Democrats and RINOs are treating a great man. They agreed I should still be president, not Sleepy Joe. All the bail he paid for Hunter’s shenanigans can’t compare to my bail. I pay the best bail.

I also pay the best hush money, because I have these large, capable hands with which to pay it. My election-fraud and the-election-was-stolen allegations are also far superior to anyone else’s. It’s not even close. Hillary’s were pathetic, but what do you expect of someone who belongs in jail like the Biden crime family?

Now, as indictments go, it was the greatest indictment of a man for political reasons, as I need not tell you. It’s the weakest indictment you will ever see, but since it involves me, it must be great. My lawyers – who are the best, I only hire the best people – have told me I have nothing to worry about, and that the District Attorney should be disbarred and prosecuted for his naked political motivations. I like naked.

So far the judge seems fair, unlike those elections and the Democrats’ tactics to deprive America of a second term in which we could continue to Make America Great Again, which Ice Cream Joe couldn’t do if you gave him all the eldercare in the world. I’m going to have the best eldercare, which I probably won’t need, since I’ll remain vigorous and active forever. Just look at the size of these hands.

It’s too bad the prosecutors won’t be able to prove there was a felony I didn’t commit, because if I ever committed a felony, you can bet it would be the biggest, greatest, most amazing felony. It’s almost a shame.

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