I Think You’re All Too Stupid To Realize This Is Satire, by Rabbi Jill Jacobs

by Rabbi Jill Jacobs, Truah – The Rabbinic Call For Human Rights

New York, January 11 – Several weeks ago this site published an article in my name, without my consent or input, that attributed to me statements I have not made and opinions I do not hold. It put words in my mouth to the effect that I believe antisemitism only occurs among white people. I had my attorney demand that this site publish a disclaimer in bold at the top of the aforementioned article indicating that it is satire, because I maintain you readers are not intelligent enough to distinguish between straight news and parody on a parody site with a parody name.

Given that reality, I have no choice but to demand that PreOccupied Territory alter the presentation of the subject article to conform with my requirements. At first I demanded that the article in its entirety be taken down, but my attorney counseled me to scale that back to requiring a note when no other satirical opinion pieces attributed to public figures contain such a statement, and the presence of an article on a site devoted exclusively to satire might not be enough for you imbeciles to determine the satirical nature of such an article. The name “PreOccupied Territory” isn’t enough of a dead giveaway. I think you’re that stupid.

You must realize that I do not blame you for your stupidity. Unless you’re white. Then I can blame you for anything. But I digress. My point is that we on the progressive left have a very low opinion of the intelligence, capabilities, and moral agency of large swaths of humanity, especially but not exclusively the non-white swaths. Yeesh, there I go digressing again. Anyway, it helps to define Jews as “white” for our purposes when it suits us. I do have to stop digressing like that.

Where was I? Right. I think you’re stupid, but not necessarily through any fault of your own. For that reason, we on the progressive left believe you cannot be trusted to make important distinctions or decisions on your own, and require government intervention or control over what you may see, read, or hear. For your own good, and the health of our society’s discourse. Those things that we cannot eliminate, we seek to restrict in any way possible, including by demanding that they state up front that you must not take them, their ideas, or their critique of our ideas – couched in satire as it may be – seriously. By force, if it comes to that. Because we on the progressive left are staunch defenders of free expression.

But let’s face it, you’re too dumb to understand the humor of the irony in that.

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