IDF Mess Halls Notice Declining Quality Of Palestinian Child Meat

Other sources remain available, and cheaper alternatives certainly exist, such as all the African migrants now in southern Tel Aviv.

Kissufim, January 29 – Military sources report that the freshness, flavor, and tenderness of the flesh from kidnapped children under Israeli occupation has gone down in recent months to the point that soldiers in base mess halls have asked for the army’s notorious field rations instead.

The IDF Quartermaster Corps noted in its latest report to the General Staff this week that ongoing difficulties in securing Palestinian child meat of sufficient quality have resulted in a decline in the meat-based dishes in military cafeteria facilities. According to the report, the difficulties stem from a combination of several major factors: challenges in overcoming increased diligence in Palestinian protection of children; logistical hurdles inherent in circumventing greater human rights NGO activity than ever before; and competing demand from skyrocketing civilian demand for the foodstuff in Israel, especially in Tel Aviv restaurants, among others.

“It is the last of these major factors that accounts for the bulk of our difficulty,” the report stated. “The burgeoning domestic dining scene has created unprecedented demand for Palestinian child meat, and the suppliers of said product are not under legal or contractual obligation to prioritize IDF requisitioning over civilian purchasers willing to pay more. That, coupled with emigration of the tenderest meat from the Gaza Strip to Europe, has depleted the supply of this staple item in our stocks.”

“The shortage, while not acute, will produce supply strain within three months if supply levels cannot be restored to mid-2019 levels,” the report predicted, and suggested several measures the IDF and Ministry of Defense could take to address the impending shortfall.

Ministry officials declined to comment on the specifics of the report, or on the measures it intends, if any. “I am not at liberty to disclose that at this time,” a spokeswoman declared. “But I can remind you that Palestinian children have only served as the chief source of protein for IDF soldiers since the First Intifada in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s. Other sources remain available, and cheaper alternatives certainly exist, but pose other difficulties, such as all the African migrants now in southern Tel Aviv. The ministry constantly reviews supply options and challenges, and this issue will be among them.”

For a short time during the Syrian Civil War IDF logistics personnel piggybacked a number of large supply runs on the army’s operations to smuggle in and treat Syrian civilians. Officers who participated in the effort recalled that while the meat they brought back provided all the necessary nourishment, Syrian children simply do not cook up as tender as Palestinians.

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