Idiotic, Selfish Behavior In Snow Surging In Popularity Among Israelis

“The stereotype of Israelis is smart, but man, that is not in evidence today.”

Jerusalem, February 21 – Residents of this city are reporting an upswing in stupidity and narcissism related to snow, matching a national trend.

The second snowfall of the season hit Jerusalem Thursday night and Friday, bringing out the irresponsible jerk in hundreds of people whose idea of appreciating the weather involves driving ill-equipped vehicles on icy, slushy streets and parking their cars so as to effectively block one lane of the main ambulance route from the dispatcher. The relative rarity of accumulated snow in most parts of the country also means few, if any, of the drivers have experience with such potentially deadly hazards as black ice, when an all-but-invisible sheet of frozen water covers a portion of the road and negates any traction a car’s tires might provide.

None of the dangers, however, dissuade those hundreds, perhaps thousands, of residents from descending en masse on centrally located Sacher Park and frolicking in the snow and ice without so much as a pair of waterproof gloves. Individuals who would never, under normal circumstances, expose their bare skin to ice for more than a few seconds, apparently see little problem with spending lengthy periods of time handling snow with bare hands or soaked gloves in near-freezing temperatures.

Beyond the dangers obvious to most sane humans, but somehow lost on these adventurers, Jerusalem, and Sacher Park in particular, feature a higher-than-normal probability of dog excrement on any given patch of grass or pavement, meaning that those engaging in the frolicking are unable to see the canine deposits likely to be hiding just beneath the snow.

Experts confess they are unable to explain the rampant idiocy. “There are even people who drive into the city in order to ‘experience’ the snow,” said local behavioral psychologist Lauren Facepalm, shaking her head in disbelieving resignation. “I admit I can’t wrap my head around the attraction of subjecting oneself to having one’s clothes soak through with ice-cold snow, and being unable to do anything about it for however long it takes to get back home.”

Other observers echoed Ms. Facepalm’s sentiments. “I appreciate the exhilaration that might accompany a robust snowball fight,” said Kalman Sence, also a psychologist. “But unless you’ve got the right gloves and outerwear – not to mention proper boots, which no one around here has – you’re going to get soaked and frozen to the bone in no time at all. Some morons even roll around in the snow like self-flagellating eighteenth-century ascetics,” he observed. “WTF is that? A death wish? A passion for pneumonia and frostbite? The stereotype of Israelis is smart, but man, that is not in evidence today.”

At press time, our reporter was unable to hear what an interviewee was saying because of gushing water from ruptured rooftop pipes on houses where residents had neglected to leave a sink dripping in sub-zero temperatures overnight.