I’ll Testify At The ICC That Israel Killed Me By Starvation

by Muhammad al-Masri, Gaza resident

Rafah, June 2 – Sometimes life surprises you with opportunities on a scale you never thought possible. I thought my little self could never contribute in any significant way to a larger cause, but that has changed: I can form an instrumental piece of the world-changing criminal proceedings against Israeli leaders if called as a witness to the proposed charges against their prime minister and minister of defense. I hereby offer to be called as just such a witness in The Hague, to the effect that those men and their military knowingly and by design deprived me and my family of food until we died. Then we were killed in an Israeli strike.

My family will also testify, if necessary. We’re waiting here in an Israeli-made refugee safe zone outside Rafah, in case you need to reach us.

It was horrible! Starting long before October 7, when Gaza was an open-air prison under harsh blockade, we had plenty of access to all the food and luxury restaurants the heart desires. But now Israel has destroyed that paradise, and only allows in hundreds of trucks per day, meaning that the quantity of food that enters the territory now is a paltry 1.5 times the amount we had before the genocide.

We died in late November. Then again in January and April. It was horrible! Local independent media can confirm this in multiple video clips that made their way around social media. Please ignore any lack of resemblance between the skeletal corpses in the images and our appearance in other, concurrent materials, and any non-skeletal appearances we have in those other media.

Also please disregard the parts of the videos labeled “Syria,” “Yemen,” or “Sudan.” We had a hard time cropping them out during post-production, being dead of starvation and all.

Not that the application for an arrest warrant addresses this specifically, so my testimony in its regard might not prove strictly necessary, but I am also willing to testify that the IDF fatally shot me and three of my sons during the Gaza border demonstrations a few years ago. My sons might be unavailable, though, come to think of it. Something about “Sabaya” women. The point is, they might be busy. But my wife will testify she was raped by Israeli soldiers, which is why I had to have her killed to preserve the family’s honor.

Her brother Anas did it, but then he, too, fell victim, crushed under the rubble of an Israeli bomb. He was also burned to death after that, by white phosphorus, He can testify as well. Just call us!

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