In Compromise, Obama To Ban Muslim Guns

Firearms are shielded by the Second Amendment, not the First.

Washington, June 27 – This morning, President Obama ordered the immediate implementation of a ban on all firearms of the Muslim persuasion from entering the US, following weeks of tension over gun control, immigration, Islamic terrorism, and prejudice against gays that followed a shooting attack in Florida that killed dozens. The president has directed the Attorney General and immigration authorities to implement a partial measure aimed at defanging Republican opposition to his policies and addressing the issues themselves.

With Executive Order 4556, Obama used his authority to bar all handguns, rifles, automatic weapons, and military-grade firearms documented as belonging to the Islamic faith from gaining entry to American soil. In so doing, analysts say, the president is banking on Republican suspicion of Muslims to shield him and the Democratic Party from fallout over restricting guns.

“It’s a gamble, but not a big one,” explained A. R. Fiteen, a writer for Guns & Ammo magazine. “Domestic gun manufacturers, whom the NRA chiefly represents, are unlikely to care that foreign guns are being stopped at the border, and may even welcome such a development. I can’t see the GOP making a big deal out of this, and I think they’d be happier if Obama had banned homosexual guns as well, or instead, but the current political climate isn’t exactly conducive to that.”

Congressional Democrats appear resigned to the limited move. “It’s bittersweet, and insufficient, but it’s probably all we’re going to get for now,” said former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. “I’m not happy about the singling out of Muslim weapons, which obviously strikes me as discriminatory, but I can’t see how it’s illegal, given that firearms are shielded by the Second Amendment, not the First.”

Immigrant advocates confessed they are troubled by the move. “It’s a slippery slope to banning other things, and then maybe people,” argued American Civil Liberties Union spokesman Noel Law. “The next president is obviously not bound by this Executive Order, but it can serve as a disturbing precedent upon which the next chief executive might simply expand to Muslim cars, Muslim toys, Muslim vegetables, and eventually, Muslims themselves. We cannot wait to fight such discrimination in court when it happens, which might be too late. We must act now to show we will not let such blatant bigotry against Muslim weapons pass without protest.”

Administration officials expressed confidence they could implement the new policy with little need for additional protocols or training. “We’ll ask them the same questions we ask all incoming guns,” said Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms Deputy Director Ceno Evel. “If any one of them confesses to being Muslim, well, there you go – we’ll send it back.”