In Solidarity With Suffering Gazans, Hamas Leader Cuts Down To 2 Steak Meals Per Day

He has even switched from Himalayan rock salt to much less expensive alternatives.

Doha, March 11 – Ismail Haniyeh rose from his filet mignon lunch today with a message of support for Palestinians caught in the crossfire of a war between his organization and Israel: he shares their pain, as symbolized by his plan to abstain from more than one more fine dining experience in his luxury hotel until tomorrow, and to maintain that restriction for the foreseeable future, until the war ends.

“I wish to deliver a message of encouragement and solidarity to my brethren in Gaza,” he said in a brief postprandial video address, pausing for a discreet burp. “Here in Qatar and around the region and world, from Moscow to Ankara to Tehran, my brothers at the helm of our movement work to secure the resources and backing we need to vanquish the occupier once and for all. But I know that all that hard work pales in comparison with the hardship you must endure.”

“Rest assured We are doing all that we can to bring your ordeal to an end as quickly and honorably as we can,” he continued. “I am with you in your trials, and to demonstrate I am with you, I do not eat more than two fancy meals on any given day – fewer during Ramadan. You have been forced to make sacrifices for our noble cause, and I, too, am making sacrifices every day, for all of us.”

Haniyeh also told Gazans about reducing his weekly massage and sauna sessions to four per week, and how he has removed fancy chocolates from his diet entirely, except when either he, as a visitor, shares them with a host out of courtesy, or is gifted them by a visitor, or just before bedtime, or with his coffee first thing in the morning and just after 10 a.m. and with lunch and at about 4 in the afternoon and sometimes around 7 p.m.

Aides to the Hamas chairman added that the list of ascetic acts he shared with his followers featured characteristic modesty, as he did not mention the myriad other luxuries or necessities on which he has cut back in solidarity with Gaza’s suffering citizens. They noted that he has switched from Himalayan rock salt to much less expensive alternatives; that he now goes at least two weeks at a time without buying new Italian designer shoes; and that, in tribute to those making the sacrifice of holding Israelis in their homes, he keeps a Malaysian sex slave in his hotel suite, in keeping with local Qatari custom.

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