Inigo Montoya Advises Palestinians To Attack Using Capoferro

” I know what it’s like to be part of a decades-long blood feud.”

Cliffs of Insanity, Guilder Frontier, February 14 – A famed Spanish sword fighter weighed in today on the recent phenomenon of Palestinians perpetrating stabbing attacks on Israelis, and suggested that the assailants might achieve better results if, instead of simply lunging at their targets with a blade, the Palestinians would employ the techniques of a Spanish fencing master of the late sixteenth and early seventeenth century.

Inigo Montoya, who has spent much of his life mastering the techniques and art of fencing, recommended to Palestinians planning to engage in a stabbing attack on Israelis to follow the instructions of Ridolfo Capoferro, whose swordsmanship manual published in 1610 was long considered the best guide to fencing in many circles. Montoya believes that with the application of the proper techniques, and adherence to certain principles, the “Stabbing Intifada” would enjoy more success.

“It looks amateurish to me, what they are doing, the Palestinians,” explained the fencing wizard. “They seem not to know exactly what they’re after. If it’s a state, they’re doing a lousy job creating the institutions necessary for one. Their recognized leadership also claims their resistance to Israel is non-violent. I do not think that means what they think it means.”

“If they are serious about the bladework, Capoferro’s work can really help them,” he continued. “Believe me, I know what it’s like to be part of a decades-long blood feud. It’s been nearly seventy years for them – they must be starting to lose confidence. Fortunately, they have the UN, UNRWA, and slews of international donors who require no work of them in return, so they don’t have to work for Vizzini to pay the bills.”

Other voices in the fencing world questioned the wisdom of adopting Capoferro. “The ground where the Palestinians are conducting their stabbing attacks bears no resemblance to the rocky terrain here,” said an unnamed man in black. “Bonetti could be of some use in that case, but only of limited utility. The Israelis don’t really need to adapt to such  change in tactics as things stand now. They just need to use Thibault, which I’ve found cancels out Capoferro.”

“Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa,” parried Montoya.

The two experts continued to debate, paying each other several left-handed compliments in the process. A representative of the Palestine Liberation Organization dismissed the notion that they should accept advice from a person who until recently was so slobbering drunk he couldn’t buy brandy.